Countdown ’til the holidays

Ciera Holzenthal/Creative Commons

It’s been a week since Halloween, and the dust/fake-mustache-fiber has finally settled. November has welcomed us kindly into her arms and now it’s time to look forward to the holiday season. Yes, all the good fun to be had in the year is just around the corner. You know what we’re talking about. But in case you don’t, we are just going to come out and say it: It’s already time to countdown the days until the next Halloween!

Halloween — it feels like it was just yesterday. But it’s already been over for a whole week, which means it’s officially socially acceptable to begin counting down the days until it comes around again. In only 356 days or so it’ll be here! My goodness, we don’t even know what we’re going to wear. In another 11 months it’ll practically be Halloween again. Do you think Amazon will ship our costumes by then?

It’s already time to start planning for that merry jack-o-lantern festival we call Halloween. Send those guest lists out early so people can mark their calendars. And time to hit the ol’ Safeway to buy tasty treats for the children. Oh man, we’ll need to clean the apartment up for the guests. They might already be on their way! Shit, where are the pingpong balls? Not under the couch again are they?

We aren’t sure about you guys, but we’re just glad to be back in the holiday season. Without Halloween poking its neck around the corner every year to greet us, would life really be worth living? Would all the humdrum days of waking up several hours past dawn, rolling into the library with disheveled hair and browsing Facebook for 30 minutes at a time really be worth it? What about that day you had three hours of class in a row? Isn’t that just hell? Luckily, you can dress up in a devil costume one day out of the year and drink Fireball until you are the embodiment of death the next morning. And for all the days in between, you can listen to your Spotify playlist to get in the mood. Those sweet voices in the children’s choir singing Kanye West’s “Monster” take us back to memories of handle pulling in a Winnie the Pooh get up. Oh, memories.

But what if life were more than just waiting in between Halloweens? What if we had, like, one, maybe two more major holidays before the new year?

Perhaps we ought to just make up, or better yet, bring back some antiquated festivals of yore to spice up our calendars. Maybe we could do a holiday where little kids sit on a bearded guy in a onesie’s lap? Actually, that probably isn’t safe. Well, what about a holiday where we celebrate that time a bunch of crusty Puritans managed to get a decent harvest so they didn’t have to suck on rocks for the next couple months? Nah, surely there is something more relevant.

Wait … we’ve got it! How about this? Every Nov. 9, we celebrate the inauguration of wise Chancellor Dirks! We can celebrate with a turkey and have him dress up in a red jumper suit with an over-sized belt. Bring on the seasonal tides, Dirksy. Wrap them with a bow and bring ’em on.

Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].