Jade Hunter, a second-year student at UC Berkeley, has recently come to terms with what is colloquially known as the “sophomore slump.” Hunter, a music student from California, said that one day she woke up and felt like she was stuck in what could only be described as a “slump.”
“One day I rolled out of bed at about 11:30 on Tuesday morning and as the sun greeted my face I thought, ‘Damn, am I in a sophomore slump?’ Hunter explained. “I thought about it a little longer when I was holed up in the library and became convinced that I was experiencing a slump-like semester.”
When asked how she defined the common expression “sophomore slump,” she was nearly at a loss for words.
“I can’t define the term sophomore slump, but I know it when I see it. And I’m seeing it most clearly when I look in the mirror. Wow — that sounded significantly more depressing out loud than in my head,” she said.
Although a precise definition for the term sophomore slump is hard to find, the symptoms are more easy to quantify. School health officials have compiled this non-exhaustive list of symptoms: falling grades, spending free time on Daily Cal, reading Crate & Barrel catalogs for fun and having a newfound interest in “coffee table jazz.”
Hunter spoke with mirth about her plans now that she has come to terms with her condition.
“Initially I had the urge to just listen to Spotify’s ‘Coffee Table Jazz’ playlist for hours in my bed, but then I realized it’s better to save that for the mid-life crisis,” Hunter stated. “Instead, I think I’m just going to invite my friends to the library next time I want to study. That way we can silently support each other as we continue to avoid addressing our problems.”
After a few weeks, she claimed things had become more “chill” since her epiphany. Although she is still stuck in the library, the company of her friends, albeit in a confined, silent and joyless dungeon of books, has improved her mood.
“Ultimately, I feel powerless to fight this slump that I’m in,” Hunter mused. “I can merely lighten the burden by bearing it with my friends — and by indulging my guilty pleasure: ‘Crate and Barrel.’ ”
When asked if Hunter had been able to identify any causes of her “slump,” she had the following to say.
“I think people just give less of a ‘Dirks’ about you when you’re a sophomore. You aren’t an upperclassman, but you still want to distance yourself as much as possible from freshmen. Late Night isn’t a thing anymore and your parents are starting to enjoy having you out of the house. Hell, Mom has already converted your bedroom into the walk-in closet she always wanted.”
Experts have suggested that as many as “a few thousand” sophomores are on UC Berkeley’s campus every day. It is impossible to know how many of them are suffering from a slump. But if you do spot a sophomore on campus, give them a hug and let them know “things will only suck for a bit longer.”
Contact Ismael Farooqui at [email protected].