With finals approaching (let the trolling and reviving of your old posts begin), you’ll find that Facebook is chock-full of crazy, fun events. Your friends have been inviting you to a plethora of these events and, much to the mystification of your loving parents, you click “going” to so many of them that it’s hard to keep track of them all. Don’t fret! We at the Clog are here to make sure you only attend the best ones. Even if these events aren’t technically serious, you’ll still get a kick out of them. Get ready for your friends to question why you’re going to these events and not the ones they invited you to for their clubs.
1. “staying in tonight”
When: Oct. 24, 2015 to Feb. 24, 2016
What: “sorry, I’m busy tonight :(”
Why: There’s nothing like an event where you don’t have to leave your home. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to Netflix and chill (or binge watch your Astronomy C10 lectures) alone in the comfort of your own bed.
When: Saturday, Nov. 28 at 3 p.m.
What: “Here you are again. Alive. Alone.”
Why: If you’re on Team Forever Alone, this is the event for you. The closest McDonald’s is conveniently located in Downtown Berkeley on Shattuck Avenue. Make sure to pig out on the all-day breakfast!
3. “National Fuckb0i Day”
When: Saturday, Sept. 17, 2016 at 12 a.m.
What: “Everyday is National Fuckboy Day where fuckboys roam in every aspect of your life unwarranted, but let’s celebrate their awfulness on this particular day.
**Please stop posting pictures of people on here (whether it’s your friends or fuckboys), they will be deleted.
***YO, I GET IT: IT’S FUCCBOI. LET ME LIVE. I LIKE FUCKB0I BETTER.”
Why: Did you wear a Hawaiian shirt or a bro tank to the Big Game? This event is for you! Did you see someone wearing a Hawaiian shirt or a bro tank to the Big Game? This event is also for you! Raise awareness of all the fuckboys on Tinder and in real life that you know all too well.
4. “National Sad Boy Day”
When: Saturday, Dec. 12 at 12 a.m.
What: “we r sad
– from the person that brought you ntl fuckb0i day™®
for all the ppl who were very sensitive about ntl fuckb0i™®”
Why: This event is a genius follow-up to National Fuckb0i Day. Even if you aren’t a sad boy, you’ll be entertained by the cover photo. But, considering the event takes place the weekend before finals week, we can guarantee you’ll want to celebrate National Sad Boy Day.
When: Jan. 6, 2016 to Jan. 9, 2016
Where: New Orleans, Louisiana
What: “Lets all come together and have a good cry; because we all deserve it. Invite a friend who you know deserves a good cry
This even is strategically being held right after winter break when school begins for most people to ensure maximum sadness :’)”
Why: Sadness is truly universal. After a stressful semester studying ferociously day and night in the Bechtel library, this is the perfect way to let out all those emotions.
6. “Do Nothing“
When: Wednesday, July 5, 2028 at 12 a.m.
Where: Anywhere, any time at all.
What: “You are invited….to do nothing. Nothing is required of you. There is no charge.”
Why: This is one of the most low-maintenance and enticing events to look forward to — it’s the exact opposite of your Tele-BEARS appointment. And it’s 13 years away, so you have plenty of time to clear your calendars for it.
When: Monday, March 20, 2020 at 6 p.m.
Where: Clement Park
What: “In 5 years a lot of changes will have taken place in our lives, marriages, divorces, graduations, deaths, births, etc. In March of 2015 when accepting this invite is totally forgotten, we will get a notification for this event & have no idea what it is & we will celebrate with an epic 30 minute barbecue party… If you get an invite for this group from someone consider it a compliment & invite others. See you in 5 years!!
Round Two Fellas, But this time a change of scenery maybe?”
Why: With 286,000 people attending this event, you know it’s #relatable. You might have forgotten RSVPing to “Pet Hugs on Sproul” that one time, but you’ll never forget RSVPing to this one (at least after 2020).
When: Friday, Jan. 22, 2016 at 5 p.m.
Where: UC Berkeley
What: “Why? The real question is WHY NOT.
Why not have two of the greatest chefs of our generation up on stage TOGETHER doing what they do best??? Why not have these amazing human beings teach us the art of cooking and how to be BASED? Why not bring Guy Fieri’s “colorful culinary personality” and Lil B’s “colorful culinary personality” to the city of BERKELEY?
Don’t have an answer? DIDN’T THINK SO.
How is this going to work out? To be based with you, I don’t know…YET. But let’s get enough momentum behind this thing so that someone who can actually do something will MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
Why: The description says it all.
Contact Abigail Balingit at [email protected].