How to avoid awkward Thanksgiving topics for Dummies

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We all know the feeling of sitting down at the Thanksgiving table with all of your family just dreading the questions revolving a significant other, grades or college partying. But don’t worry, because after thinking for a long time, we at the Clog have come up with various tactics to smoothly change the subject if feared questions such as these should arise.

First, imagine that you are all seated at the table and talking about the weather. Then, out of nowhere it seems like one of your crazy distant relatives (who you aren’t even sure is in your family) asks about whom you have been seeing lately. One very efficient way to avoid this question is by quickly whipping your head to face the window and yelling “Harry?!” Once everyone looks out the window only to see nothing then you can say, “Oh never mind it was just a bird. Could’ve sworn it was Harry Potter on a broom.” This is a perfect way to distract from the idea of you having a significant other because now your family will be questioning your sanity rather than your love life.

For the tricky situation where a younger cousin brings up the question of college parties, you can change the topic by saying, “Partying? No I haven’t heard of that but speaking of partying what ever happened to Charlie Sheen?” This will hopefully lead the conversation toward topics such as favorite actors and what happened to some famous people such as Shia LaBeouf and leave the topic of partying far behind.

If some relative brings up something embarrassing that happened years ago (how on earth do they still remember that?!) and asks you about it, one possibility you have is knocking whatever glass or food is in front of you over. This is in a feeble effort to cover up that past embarrassing story with the present-day story of you knocking over all the food that one Thanksgiving.

Lastly, if someone brings up an ex or something you really don’t want to discuss, you can always use your sibling as a shield. Just loudly state, “Hey mom did you hear that *insert sibling’s name* is pregnant?”Although this is sure to be followed with a slamming of cutlery and a loud “WHAT?!” from both your mom and sibling, your sibling is sure to understand later when you explain to him or her that there was just no other way of escaping that dangerous conversation.

Keep these in mind this holiday as you try and fight your way through the awkward silences and fearful questions. And, if all else fails, just shove turkey in your mouth and chew it for the remainder of the night to use it as an excuse for not talking.

Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].