Questions about the Super Bowl

Ariel D. Hayat/File

In case you haven’t heard by now, and you might not have, the Super Bowl is coming to San Francisco. With San Francisco playing host city to a football game that’s actually being played in Santa Clara — a city about an hour drive away with no traffic — the whole Bay Area seems to be on display. If you’re confused about why these two cities roughly 45 miles apart can both claim to be hosting the same game, then you’re not alone. We at the Clog have been feeling quite existential about the whole thing, which is why we’ve come up with some of the most important questions we’re asking ourselves this weekend.

  1. Who’s even in the Super Bowl?
  2. Football’s the one where you score touchdowns, right?
  3. What is it like to watch a football game where both teams score a lot of points? That never happens in Cal football.
  4. Does this mean Bay Bridge traffic will be worse than usual?
  5. What about the traffic on the San Mateo Bridge?
  6. And the Dumbarton Bridge?
  7. Is it even safe to go outside?
  8. Or will the crowds of enthused football tourists eat me alive if I accidentally step out wearing the wrong colors?
  9. What kind of a team’s colors are orange and blue? Everyone knows that gold and blue is the best color combination.
  10. What’s a bronco?
  11. Which Carolina is this team from?
  12. Do you have to be wearing Levi’s to be admitted into Levi’s Stadium?
  13. Do you think Eli will be there, too?
  14. Wait, isn’t Beyonce playing at the stadium this weekend?
  15. Who are the Panthers and Broncos and why are they opening for the queen?
  16. Does anyone have an extra ticket for the Coldplay concert?
  17. Why doesn’t the Golden Bear Cafe have a commercial? Without the chicken nuggets, they could use all the business they can get.
  18. Do you think Chancellor Dirks will get his mustache colored for this game?
  19. Will the Campanile light up for Super Bowl 50?
  20. Do you think we could get a good view of the stadium from Cheapskate Hill?
  21. How many times the normal rate will my Ubers be this weekend?
  22. Will I even be able to get an Uber?
  23. Or will I have to resort to Lyft?
  24. Will Spoon Rocket deliver to the stadium?
  25. Isn’t this where Cal got crushed by Oregon last year? I didn’t know real teams played there, too!

Contact Rachel Feder at [email protected].