Babies on campus

For those of you who might have been in Berkeley over the long weekend, you would most definitely know about the outbreak of little minions running around us. The “fetuses,” as some Yik Yak posts called them, consisted of hundreds of children dressed up in suits and dresses who were on campus for a debate competition. For a period of about 72 hours, you would see these kids talking to walls in preparation for their debate or pacing back and forth in anticipation. But once we at the Clog sat down to think about it a little more in depth, we started to wonder what the real motive was for these kids to enter campus. Perhaps they weren’t really here for a debate competition, but for reasons beyond our understanding. Here’s a list of conspiracy theories for this fishy scenario.

Chances are they’re likely a representative population of the Illuminati secret society trying to take over the world. They’re possibly scheming plans to reach their goal of creating their power of influence in the middle of campus.

Perhaps these little kids aren’t really high schoolers at all, but Stanfurd students in disguise. They’re trying to understand how our superior school functions and to draw some inspiration to better their lives.

Or, they could be here to form collective plans to blackmail our Admissions Department into getting them in.

Maybe Floop from “Spy Kids” is real and he’s training all these kids to undergo the process to transform into super strong robots and control the world. The perfect cover would be dressing the minions up and acting like they’re in the middle of a debate. Plus, he would have closer access to all the laboratories and scientific gizmos we have on campus.

Remember Professor Coward’s sensational protest about his contract termination last semester? Well, his influence and fan following have gone down quite rapidly, and in the midst of this crisis that he’s likely going through, he recruited several debate kids to stand with him in support. Expect round two of the #StandWithCoward movement.

Contact Sowgandhi Rayapudi at [email protected].