Berkeley is home to a healthy number of fine sandwich establishments. Whether you’re a Cheese ‘N’ Stuff or a Montague’s kind of person is telling about much deeper aspects of your character. Read on to see what your favorite local sandwich spot says about you.
You probably have a meal plan, because why would you spend real money on those overpriced paninis? It’s likely you don’t even get a sandwich here, opting for the chicken bowl instead. You’re sad because Ramona’s is closing soon. But you’re also excited because there are better things on the horizon. The new place is supposed to be Vietnamese, and we at the Clog have heard good things about this Slanted Door place. Delicious! Maybe then you’ll be able to start mourning the loss of the Heavenly Food Truck.
The odds are 99.9 percent in your favor that you’re a member of a fraternity or a football player. You have a passionate love for turkey sandwiches and breakfast burritos. You’re familiar, and gratefully so, with the Johnny Breakfast Sandwich (a delicious concoction of turkey, tomatoes and spinach, all delicately balanced atop toasted bread). You probably know the owners on a first-name basis, because somehow they know almost everyone in Berkeley on a first-name basis.
Oh, pity your poor soul. You’re a patron of what is possibly the worst sandwich spot to exist in Berkeley. Even the oh-sohorrible Togo’s down on Shattuck Avenue would be a better choice than eating at Subway. But, alas, here you find yourself. What does this decision say about you in the long term? For starters, it’s possible that you’ve never eaten a sandwich other than Subway. If you did, you’d know that there are cheaper, tastier and probably “healthier” (whatever that hollowed-out adjective means nowadays) alternatives within a block. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s likely you found yourself here by some cruel twist of fate that left you stranded on the corner of campus desperately hungry, that unexplainably yummy smell from Subway wafting toward you. You, like everyone else who eats at Subway, are completely oblivious to your surroundings because you’re buried up to your neck in your smartphone.
Three words: Fred’s Famous Chicken. It’s all you need.
Cheese ‘N’ Stuff
You’re a savvy sandwicheater. You know that Cheese ‘N’ Stuff is the best bang for your buck that you can get in Berkeley. You know they get fresh meat Mondays, so you always go in early in the week. Even still, you’re there multiple times in a given week. You silently give thanks that Cheese ‘N’ Stuff exists as a tasty, cheap sandwich spot.
These sandwiches are far more expensive than the ones at Cheese ‘N’ Stuff, but they’re also much larger. A big sandwich is exactly what you’re looking for, though, because you have a stomach the size of a U-Haul truck. You relish in the delight of having an immobilizing food baby in your belly. You’re one of the select few who have tasted Dutch Crunch, and your mouth waters at the mention of the crusty bread. There’s no going back to ordinary bread, or ordinary sandwiches, for you.
Bread and meat sandwiches aren’t your thing. You live life on the sweet side. C.R.E.A.M. is the only cookie sandwich spot in Berkeley you’ll tolerate. You go here for the experience as much as the cookie sandwich itself. You wait. You silently appreciate the Wu-Tang pun. You know that you’re allowed to choose two different types of cookies for your sandwich, and you’ll be darned if you don’t pick the perfect combination. You relish in the wait; your idea of a fun evening is waiting in a 30-minute line for ice cream. The Instagram after will make it #WorthIt.
Contact Chris Hewitt at [email protected].