March horoscopes

Charlotte Passot/Staff

It’s the beginning of a new month and the stars have pitied you enough to give you a post-midterm fresh slate. Take a minute to read up on everything you ever — and never — wanted to know about your destiny in these March horoscopes.

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

You’ve recently been feeling a little out of the loop, but now you wish your circle were a little smaller. Work is starting to pile up, and so is unexpected company. You may not be keen to have a friend crash on your sofa or third-wheel on date night. But if you open up, you may find that a roommate is better than a dog and that riding a tricycle has its perks.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Be prepared to be treated like the old Italian grandma everyone takes to Gypsy’s. This month, people may not be as acutely aware of your more refined tastes as you’d like them to be, but don’t let that get you down. Splurge a little on yourself. It’s O.K. to give into your cravings and buy something other than produce from Berkeley Bowl.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

This month you may be interested in exploring alternative options for your future. This is a good step toward understanding what truly makes you happy. But remember to consider that not every alternative is constructive or healthy. Try to avoid putting all your confidence in someone who wants you to think they can “make America great again.”

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

It may difficult to adapt to the changing seasons, and you may be feeling a little out of touch with nature. Dead squirrels may be an omen that you’ll be granted less aid with next year’s FAFSA. On the brighter side, the uncommonly sunny weather is right up your alley, and as a wistful Cancer, you’ll soon enjoy wearing less clothing on the Glade with each passing day.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

You’ve likely done above average on your first round of exams, and now you’ve got time — maybe to seek out someone you’ve been eyeing. You’re born with a natural charisma and charm that has recently been hidden behind books and paled in front of computer screens. Set aside some time to get it all back with some GTL (gym, tan, laundry) before spring break.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Your personality is likely to have an addictive quality right now. Using this to your advantage could allow you to greatly improve a skill, but be careful to still maintain moderation. Professional Rubik’s Cubing is cool but not a career, and incognito windows are nice but not foolproof.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Experiment with something new this month. You could greatly benefit from switching up your routine. This might mean something as simple as pairing different socks or as drastic as taking a gap semester to pursue your lifelong dream of joining the circus. On the love front, the paired Libra could try indulging in their partner’s more unconventional tastes, while the single Libra should swipe right more liberally.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

If you’ve been waiting for your hard work to pay off, stop because it already has. People have already noticed your beautifully Ruby-coded website and MCAT season is over. Now’s the time to go after that internship or lab position you’ve been too afraid to apply to for so long. The only people who you could still impress a little more with a career boost are you, yourself and your mom.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Sagittarius, it’s not April, so don’t act like an April fool yet. Your roommate’s last straw just might be finding their toothpaste filled with wasabi the morning of an 8 a.m. midterm. Having some fun could be a great way to escape your stress, but everyone else has their stress, too, so make sure you’re laughing with them.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)

Opening new doors could release a lot of mid-semester stress. If you’re hiding anything in the closet, don’t be afraid to bring it out now. Everything from your black leather belts for softcore BDSM to your sexuality will be met with great acceptance.

Aquarius (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)

Although things might seem unfair, try not to let your frustrations get the better of you. It is not worth your time to rant about how Biology 1A is only worth three units and how the Golden Bear Cafe needs to sell chicken strips again. Console yourself with the a nice vegan wrap and remember that you’re not alone.

Pisces (Feb. 20 – March 20)

As a Pisces, you have an incredible talent to forgive and yet never forget. March is very unstable for some people, and looking past your friends’ indiscretions and accepting their apologies will go a long way this month. Even though they may not have remembered to return your laptop charger, they’ll return the favor with their love and loyalty and maybe, just maybe, the charger.

Contact Raeline Valbuena at [email protected].