Quiz: Should you wear a jacket today?

Elizabeth Klingen/Staff

You are about to leave your dorm room, apartment, frat house or mildly comfortable trash heap for the day, but for some reason the weather app on your phone is not working and you are unsure what Oski, in all his infinite power, has willed the weather to be this morning. Should you take a jacket with you before you depart or should you leave your jacket at home and risk baring your arms to the elements? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. Take a look outside. What does the sky tell you about the weather?
    1. The sky is a bright blue color and says that today is going to be a warm day and that Oski is pleased with last week’s sacrifice.
    2. The sky is a pale gray color and is crying. Oski wasn’t really feeling up to it this morning.
    3. The sky is on fire. Everything is flames. Beyond that, there is only the inky blackness of the infinite void, hanging above us all like our own pending mortality.
    4. I don’t know where the sky is.
  2. Is it currently raining?
    1. No.
    2. Yes.
    3. A little?
    4. It is raining a strange mixture of small, legless amphibians and email printouts from Chancellor Nicholas Dirks.
  3. What type of jacket are you considering putting on the top half of your body?
    1. A good one.
    2. A sleek and trendy one that will make all the teeny-boppers think I’m the grooviest dude out there.
    3. A heavy jacket that will keep out any type of outside moisture, including the tears of the innocent and the blood of my enemies.
    4. First of all, it’s a sweater, and second of all, who wears jackets on the top half of their bodies? Please.
  4. Do you plan on doing any strenuous activity while wearing the jacket?
    1. Yes. I have a class in the Genetics and Plant Biology building and then immediately afterward I have a discussion in Evans Hall, and my teleporter is broken so I’m going to have to walk.
    2. No. I will not even move my lungs.
    3. This is the jacket I specifically wear for doing strenuous activity. I plan to do seven strenuous activities today.
    4. I am going to do a little bit of strenuous activity, such as typing the words “strenuous activity” out multiple times as I write an article for The Daily Californian.
  5. What does the Great Jacket Council, UC Berkeley chapter, say about jackets in your specific situation?
    1. I haven’t consulted the Great Jacket Handbook, UC Berkeley edition, yet. But it’s probably O.K.
    3. They just said “Yes.”
    4. I’ve seceded from the council. Now I play by my own rules.
  6. What does your mother say the weather will be like today?
    1. My mother says today will be as warm as her heart when she gazes upon the face of my younger brother, the favored child.
    2. My mother says that today will be as cold as her expression when she gazes upon me, the unfavored child.
    3. My mother says the weather has been cancelled today.
    4. My mother says she doesn’t know the weather, but regardless, I should bring a jacket.
  7. What is your favorite jacket-wearing technique?
    1. On my back as I scream continuously.
    2. Oski’s patented Triple-Button Loop-de-Loop followed by a triple axel for added flair.
    3. A traditional soft application of the sleeves, followed by an aggressive zipper yank.
    4. Tied around my waist because I am an Actual 40-Year-Old Dad.
  8. Do you agree with the following statement: I am going to wear a jacket today.
    1. Yes.
    2. No.
    3. Seven.
    4. I’m going to say that I agree, but only because I looked at my friend Chad’s answer sheet and that’s what he put.
    1. Based on a series of complicated geometric algorithms and after an extensive review of your application, you should wear a jacket today. Oski has smiled upon you, child.
    2. We regret to inform you that you should not wear a jacket today, or any other day for the rest of your whole entire life. Please bring all of your jackets to the Great Jacket Council, UC Berkeley chapter, for immediate and total jacket destruction.
    3. We are going to give you an unhelpful answer and tell you to do what you want. You are an adult and you have the capacity and the right to make your own jacket-related decisions … and to deal with the jacket-related consequences.

Contact Ariel Sauri at [email protected].