The classic trans-country road trip is a national rite of passage. There are few things in life comparable to hitting the open highway, blasting your favorite music with the windows down, driving into the sunset. We’ve all wanted to point to a random destination on a map and pack up our things and go. Hopefully, you’ll find some time this spring break to take a short trip with friends and loved ones. We at the Clog have compiled a roadmap (ha!) of things that you will see, should you choose to buckle up during this break.
A questionable bathroom: You should’ve driven a few miles further ahead. The conditions of this bathroom are probably breaking multiple state ordinances. This is one of those few bathroom moments where you hope the sink doesn’t work out of fear of what could come out.
Strange roadside attractions: These are great spots to take photos for your Instagram. Forget the destination itself. Is that a giant anthropomorphized cabbage with a cowboy hat and boots? Nice, let’s pull over.
The motel: Look at that nondescript motel with broken neon lights and absolutely no cars in its parking lot. Looks like the kind of place you’d want to spend your family vacation, right? On second thought, just keep driving.
Amazing food: For some reason, you can find some of the best food you’ve ever had on road trips. Stop chowing down on those crumpled kettle chips on the bottom of your backpack and pull over to the parking lot of that hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Some of the greatest food on the planet awaits you.
The little car that could: How did this car get here all the way from Vermont in one piece? This is often the vehicle covered in bumper stickers that’s traveling at a consistent 20 miles under the speed limit.
Lightning McQueen: You will encounter at least one of these drivers. They think the interstate is their international speedway. These are the same people who rev up their engines at any opportunity: stop signs, red lights, parking lots, rest areas, the list goes on.
A town with a gas station and Waffle House: The employees seem like nothing more than characters in a Sims video game. Where exactly do they live? There’s not a single home or neighborhood for miles. The town is basically an alpine forest with a waffle restaurant and a gas station within it.
Signs saying “Speed Limit Enforced by Aircraft”: You often see these on desert roads, making the situation feel even more plausible. How does this work exactly? Will you get pulled over by a plane? That sounds worth the price of a traffic ticket. Life is crazy.
Stretches of wilderness: Just you and the open road. One of the greatest parts of the road trip itself: people are nowhere to be seen! The sunset is nice too, you suppose.
Loved ones: Now, these are the only people you want to see. Enjoy the big lights of the city or the tranquility of Mother Nature with the most important people in your life.
