Congrats! You got into UC Berkeley, the number one public university in the world. It’s an amazing place for anyone looking for a world-class education, accomplished professors and amazing sports teams. It’s also the perfect place to get your behind handed to you. To ease the transition to UC Berkeley, we at the Clog have created a quick guide to some UC Berkeley lingo so that you’ll find yourself fitting right in without any embarrassing slip-ups.
ASUC: A secret society at UC Berkeley. You’ll see their photos all over Facebook during the spring semester, but you’re still not sure they are who they claim to be, which is the Associated Students of the University of California. Any organization this intense can’t simply be about student government, can it?
AirBears 2: In line with tradition, this is the terrible sequel that nobody asked for. AirBears 2 is like “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2” — it has a cute name, but nobody wanted a part two. We just wanted a better Internet connection on campus.
BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit is a magical mode of transportation that can take you anywhere (or to a limited number of destinations) in the San Francisco Bay Area. Don’t call it “the BART,” as putting “the” in front of BART is the surest way to let everyone know you’re not from here.
Berkeley goggles: This is the supposed phenomenon in which UC Berkeley students find themselves lowering their standards of attractiveness as a result of the Berkeley bubble. This is an interesting one because once you come to UC Berkeley, your interest in the opposite sex just dissipates. You’re way too busy. What’s dating, again?
Berkeley time: Classes here start 10 minutes later than the time listed on your schedule. This is great if you have classes all the way in Barker — a god-forsaken building on the campus’s farthest edge, a place we sincerely hope you’ll never have to get to earlier than noon. Berkeley time’s not so great if you’re turning up for an interview you didn’t realize would start promptly on the hour. Strangely enough, the whole world doesn’t run on Berkeley time.
Croads, XRoads or Crossroads: The bane of your existence if you’re an undergraduate on a meal plan. You’ll never be able to trust anything or anyone after witnessing the lies that play out in this place. This dining hall is closest to campus, serves the units and is essentially what a rapper would be if a rapper suddenly became a place. It hypes itself up way too much. Don’t read the online menu beforehand; save yourself the heartache.
RRR week: A week in which you actually count down the days until your soul exits your body. You don’t have class at all during the week preceding finals week, but instead of studying for finals, you often find yourself stress-bingeing on stale candy and watching ’90s sci-fi films in bed all day. Yes, what you’re thinking is correct. That example was unnecessarily specific.
EECS Master Race: In discussing the academic hierarchy, a small, select group has self-proclaimed its own major as the very top of the totem pole. EECS students are electrical engineering and computer sciences majors, in addition to being the head of the food chain. #EECSMasterRace
GBC: Not a lot of people refer to GBC as the Golden Bear Cafe, actually. If they do, they’re usually the same people who say “LOL” out loud. The GBC is a great place to get coffee between classes and do the typical dance of arriving to math class 25 minutes late but with a vanilla latte.
GSI: Graduate student instructors are like the academic and emotional Kleenexes of UC Berkeley. They see just about everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. They teach your discussion and will either be your best friend or your worst enemy but most likely both, simultaneously.
Memorial Glade: An expansive lawn that sits amid several academic buildings. It’s a great place to lay out in the sun, not shower for days and eat nothing but wheatgrass. You can easily pretend it’s 1968.
RSF: The Recreational Sports Facility is comparable to a library in that you tell yourself that you’ll visit it frequently at the beginning of the semester. The RSF is also like a library in that you put in headphones and pray that people won’t try talking to you or notice your sweat stains while you’re there.
Stanfurd: That school across the bay that shall not be named.
The Units: You’ll likely be placed at one of the three residential buildings referred to collectively as “the Units.” They’re great if you don’t want to sleep.
Foothell: When you have a class in Dwinelle minutes before you have a class near Foothill. This can be advantageous, because rather than stressing and sweating in the middle of that engineering class, you can just begin the process right before class.
Having a Moffitt: This refers to having an emotional breakdown in the middle of a school library. This doesn’t necessarily have to be in Moffitt, but it always seems more likely to happen there of all places. When you’re having a Moffitt over tests, that annoying roommate or anything else, this is a good place to print out sad ’80s ballads to hang on your wall, or something.
Sproul Foul: When someone on Sproul hands you a flyer despite your efforts in avoiding them. Those earphones and the nasty look you sported didn’t prevent the business frat from inviting you to their dinner.