When you find yourself, as we all do at most points in our lives, realizing you spent what little money you had left on a “Make America Great Again” hat coupled with marijuana leaf glasses because you’re teeming with the wisdom that comes with youth, never fear. Although you can no longer afford that nice apartment you wanted to live in over the summer, you can always live in a frat house. We at the Clog decided to weigh the pros and cons of living in a frat house for the summer.
- It’s cheap. Now that you have a place to stay that’s cheap, you can afford more pointless apparel. Who knows where the Internet will take you now. Soon you’ll find yourself with a drug rug, a purple succulent and a box of olives that you bought off Amazon because you had so much money left over that you didn’t know what to do with it.
- You’ll know a brother. Say goodbye to the world of bids! Now you’ll know not just one brother, but 11 brothers. Stupid, colorful pieces of paper: 0. You: 1.
- You’ll be close to all the activity. While having a secluded apartment with a couple friends can be great, by living in a frat house you’ll always know what’s going on at night and you’ll have about 40 other rooms to go into if you realize you hate your roommate.
- You’ll be close to a bus stop. Perhaps your commute may be farther now than it was when you had your own apartment, but now you don’t have to soul-search for a bus stop when you’re running late.
- There’s no privacy. If you want to scream and shout, too bad. Go to Memorial Stadium or something. By living in a frat house, you’ll have dozens of roommates who were strangers up until a week ago. But that also means dozens of new friends or followers.
- You’ll be close to all the activity. This is both a pro and a con because on the nights you feel like killing the whole world, you’ll have to interact with many people. Also, if you’re deathly tired on a weekend night, there’s little to no chance you’ll be able to fall asleep to the sound of rain against your windowpane or the lovely sound of silence. More likely, it’ll be to the sweet noise of someone throwing up.
- It’ll take longer to exit the house. Due to the stickiness of the floors, you won’t be able to transport yourself out. You may want to hire a servant to unstick you each morning before your departure. Or just buy 12 pairs of shoes.
- All your clothes will morph into polos. Slowly, lots of seemingly innocent party-goers will steal your clothes. This will result in all of your clothing items morphing into pastel polos coupled with Sperrys. Once the perpetrator of these crimes, you’re now the victim of kleptomaniacs.
Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].