Quiz: How should you celebrate after your last midterm?

With the end of midterms season approaching and finals looming in the near future (5 weeks), you’ve probably either taken your last midterm or are just about to finish them up. We at the Clog have some radical suggestions for celebrating your escape from hell.

  1. Was your spring break relaxing?
    1. Yeah, I just chilled at home with my cat. Good times.
    2. I got to hang out with my friends from home and relive the high school glory days. So no, it was stressful as shit. High school was hell, man.
    3. I wouldn’t say it was relaxing necessarily, but I let off a lot of steam in (insert tropical party location here)! Haha!
    4. My sadistic professor set a midterm for the Tuesday after break. So, break was not relaxing. Thanks for reminding me of all the fun I didn’t have.
  2. How many midterms did you have?
    1. 3-4
    2. 5-7
    3. 8-9
    4. 10-12
  3. What’s your favorite virgin cocktail?
    1. Virgin Long Island iced tea — I love Coca Cola!
    2. Virgin mint julep — summery and refreshing. Yeehaw!
    3. Virgin margarita — fruity and delish. Arriba!
    4. Virgin vodka water — gotta stay hydrated!
  4. Describe your feelings about Oski.
    1. He’s got a lot of spirit(s of the cursed and damned wailing endlessly in his tortured mind-prison).
    2. Hunchback of Notre Daaamn, son. You can ring my bells any day.
    3. Just jealous of his sick ‘fit. Where can I get one of those dank cardigans?
    4. Face of a serial killer, heart of gold.
  5. Choose a picture of Chancellor Dirks.
    1. dirks.kchan
    2. dirks-mug
    3. 20121108_115514_dirks_GALLERY
    4. dirks - kchan
  6. Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac Killer?
    1. Oski the Bear is the Zodiac Killer.
    2. I, like the state of Florida, am 38 percent sure that Ted Cruz is, as Wikipedia puts it, “a serial killer who operated in northern California in the late 1960s and early 1970s.”
    3. There is little doubt in my mind that Ted Cruz is, as Wikipedia puts it, “a serial killer who operated in northern California in the late 1960s and early 1970s.”
    4. Ted Cruz wasn’t even born when the murders were committed. He was born in 1970, guys.
    1. Drop out. Don’t just be done with midterms for now, be done with them forever! At this point, your dignity and self-worth are hanging on by such a frail, frayed thread that you might as well cut the cord now before dead week and finals do it for you. Don’t let Oski kick you in the ass on your way out!
    2. Love is in the air. Go on that date you haven’t had time for because of midterms. Make inane small talk with someone over crappy coffee in a futile attempt to fill the black hole swirling in your heart from the hours of your life wasted in the artificial lighting of Main Stacks, studying for an exam you’ll inevitably fail. Not even the pink glow of a new love can escape the devastating pull of the perfect black body slowly encompassing your entire being.
    3. Go party it up! This is a great time to hang out with your friends and go dance at a party. Try to use the atmosphere of false enthusiasm to mask how deeply scarred and miserable you are from the hours and days of your life lost to studying. Pose for a picture with a strained smile on your pale and sweaty face as you pathetically whimper internally. Don’t worry, you’ll finally liberate your endless tears later as you hunch over the toilet ejecting your dinner and those last few shots.
    4. Start studying for finals! Your life is shit, so instead of celebrating and relaxing for even a day, you should just jump right into finals preparation. Not even the prospect of summer can alleviate the heaviness in your heart. Instead of enjoying freedom and sunshine, you’ll be engaging in three months of grunt work at an internship that will slowly suck the light out of your eyes until they’re as black as Oski’s heart.

 

Contact Sasha Ashall at [email protected].