Cal Athletics announced Friday that its sports teams will no longer be known as the Bears and Oski will no longer be the mascot. Taking a page from rival Stanford University, Cal has named itself after a color: Periwinkle. Replacing Oski at the games will be a brand-new mascot — a bowl of blue Jell-O.
A Cal Athletics spokesperson said the campus hoped the change would bring in revenue in merchandise fees to help pay for planned Jell-O fountains, brought to you by Jell-O, to be placed all over campus.
“We’re going to sell all of the old Bears-themed memorabilia for an additional 20 percent,” said Carl Oskerson, the owner of a local Cal gear store. “We were thinking of dropping our prices but hey, all that stuff is vintage now!”
Many students are furious, as campus traditions and old spots, such as the Golden Bear Cafe, will also need to be renamed. The GBC will now take on the initials BJC, for the Big Jell-O Cafe. To go along with the campus’s new branding, the cafe’s food offerings will be changed as well.
“Mostly, we’ll be selling pudding,” said the BJC to The Daily Californian in a dream.
The campus decided two months ago to make the change and circulated a poll among its employees. Other candidates included squirrels and Campaniles, but ultimately, the shade of blue won out.
Not all students were disappointed with the change.
“I like that we’re going to be a color now,” said Stan Lee, a campus art major. “I like colors.”
Oski, perhaps the soul most wronged by this decision, was not available for comment, but there are rumors that he still plans to roam the floors of Evans Hall, despite a court order to stay off campus.
Happy April Fools’ Day!