Conversation deflation

Mira Nguyen/File

We’ve all experienced the horror that is a conversation-ender, also known as a conversation deflation. You’re walking back from class with a friend, the conversation’s flowing nicely and everything seems to be going swell. Then they nonchalantly drop a phrase that makes you want to disappear into the crowd as quickly as possible. The Clog has compiled a list of red-flag phrases that will help you recognize when it’s time to take a page from Google’s failed April Fool’s joke — and “mic drop” the conversation. 

  • I’m feeling really good about that midterm — it was so easy. How do you think you did?
  • How’s the GPA doing?
  • I know as a friend I’m supposed to support you in your endeavors, but I don’t know, man, I just don’t think eating packaged Oreos for three days straight is a healthy lifestyle.
  • You may not have the smarts, or the looks or the financial capabilities, but look on the bright side…
  • I just got a paid internship at Google! What are your plans for the summer?
  • You’re voting for Trump, right?
  • Hey, I think I just saw you on Tinder.
  • I feel like a lock of your hair would be a good addition to my Oski shrine.
  • You have such a nice smile. It’s very Ted Cruz-esque.
  • Hi, are you interested in hearing about so-and-so’s ASUC platform? (Must be said on Sproul, while brandishing a flyer or picket sign.)
  • Why do you have that sad frog as your wallpaper for everything?
  • Showering is more of a recommendation than a requirement for me.
  • I’m having a performance art show around midnight in the secluded, shady stairwell of Wurster Hall. Wanna come see?
  • Go Cardinals!
  • The proper term is trilby, not fedora.
  • It’s pronounced Campa-nyle, not Campa-neely. Get your facts straight.
  • Damn, Daniel.
  • Hey, check out my music on Myspace. My blog header is “Welcome to my Twisted Mind.”
  • I’d go with you to get food, but I just blew all my money buying more Super Likes on Tinder.
  • I think I should start accessorizing with stained white gloves so that I can be closer to the Oski ideal. Maybe I should shave my eyebrows and walk with a creepily jaunty gait too, I don’t know. 

Contact Ariel Sauri at [email protected].