Quiz: Which karaoke classic should you sing?

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The last week of April is National Karaoke Week — that’s right, it exists. And while it might not be the end of April quite yet, we at the Clog think it’s never too early to start singing. Karaoke stands as one of the greatest drunken or sober pastimes in America, so we think you should celebrate the two-week interim before finals by belting out a classic.

  1. Who is the ultimate pop queen of the 1980s?
    1. Whitney Houston
    2. Cher
    3. Madonna
    4. Cyndi Lauper
  2. What’s your favorite karaoke spot in Berkeley?
    1. Jaguar Karaoke
    2. My friend’s apartment with their shitty portable karaoke machine
    3. My car with the windows down, baby
    4. Yo, I didn’t even know we had any.
  3. Pick a picture of Chancellor Dirks with Jon Bon Jovi’s hair.
    1. Dirks80's The ’80s, man.
    2. Dirks with JBJ 90's Hair The ’90s were the best.
    3. Dirks with JBJ 00's hair The naughties were so naughty.
    4. Dirks with JBJ 10's hair He aged so gracefully in the 2010s.
  4. “Do you believe in life after ______ ?”
    1. A monster bong rip, bro
    2. A squirrel stealing your chips outside Dwinelle Hall and eating them right in front of your goddamn face
    3. The hangover from a Wine Wednesday
    4. Midterms. No, there is no life after midterms.
  5. What’s the best Beyonce song to sing in the shower?
    1. “Love On Top” — she changes key like six times!
    2. “Ego” — so sexual and raw!
    3. “Drunk In Love” — damn, boo! Beyonce and Jay-Z are naaassty!
    4. “Check On It” — you know this booty fly.
  6. Pick an Oski.
    1. Boy George Oski Boy George Oski
    2. Beyonce Oski Beyonce Oski
    3. Madonna Oski Madonna Oski
    4. Miley Cyrus Oski Miley Oski
    1. “Livin’ On A Prayer” by none other than Bon Jovi is the song for you. This song’s a hit, just like your performance will be. You’re quite the laugh at parties and know your audience well. Everyone will sing along to this classic and you’ll be a legend, but at what price? The sweat on your face from the effort of your performance will mingle with the tears oozing from your eyes as you realize you have to keep up the party-man persona for the rest of your college career. No one has ever seen you be vulnerable, and now you know you can never show anyone that side of you. Instead, you shall suffer alone.
    2. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston is a classic, just like you. Just kidding, there’s no way you’ll be able to hit those high notes or even make this song a funny parody, no matter how juiced up you may be. But, by all means, get on stage, sing your heart out and sweat it out as the audience members feign interest with concerned, yet embarrassed, expressions and your friends pretend they don’t know you.
    3. “Irreplaceable” by the queen of pop, Beyonce Knowles, is what you’ll be when you sing this song. You are irreplaceable when you get up on that stage and sing. Oh man, you’re rocking it up there. What a night! Haha!
    4. You should just watch, to be honest. Look, there’s no way this is going to work out in your favor. Inevitably, you’ll choose a song that no one knows in an effort to educate everyone, and the audience will either ignore you completely or drop dead of secondhand embarrassment. So, save yourself the effort and humiliation and just watch all the other bozos sing their mainstream music, while scoffing quietly to yourself.

Rock on, brothers and sisters.

Contact Sasha Ashall at [email protected].