How to quickly raise your participation grade

It’s the last week of classes, and your last worry before dead week is your participation grade. Whether you were too shy to ask questions or too absent to have any, a bad participation mark is now an existing threat to your final grade. But, it’s not too late. We at the Daily Clog know that you’ve worked too hard in this class for your success to be determined by something as minor as your decision not to raise your hand enough or dress noticeably flashy. So here are a few suggestions to help you get noticed and remembered by the time participation grades are submitted.

Mohawk Mandy: Get a dramatic haircut or hair extensions. As you walk into class, ask your GSI if they like your new look. No matter how positive their polite response is, you will catch them off guard and leave them puzzled as they try to recognize you and recall your past look. This will haunt them all section. Later, they will pull up their role sheets and sort out your identity, feeling so terrible for having not noticed you before. The least they could do is boost your participation.

Here’s Waldo: Take pictures of the class from many different angles. Photoshop yourself into every picture wearing a different outfit in each. Make a quick album and show it to your GSI. Tell them the heartfelt tale of how years from now you’ll be telling your grandchildren about the unforgettable memories you made in section, with the family you Tele-chose.

Birthday Bash Bruno: Virtually stalk your GSI by any legal means necessary. Find out when their birthday is — they’ll undoubtedly have one within the next year. Buy cupcakes or cookies for your entire section and have everyone sing “Happy Birthday” to your favorite GSI today. Personally wish them an early happy birthday for Oct. 27, because it’s definitely so unfortunate that you won’t see them before then.

Highlighter Dumpty: Actually go through the notes you took this semester. Highlight randomly throughout them, your reader and any other handouts you’re received. In section, shuffle through the materials furiously, engrossed in your search for the perfect passage to prove your point or answer a tantalizing question. Suddenly drop and scatter everything. Everyone will see your extensive dedication to this class in your diligently colorful notes in the only successful game of 52-pick-up you’ve ever played.

Hoarder Disorder: Gather an eclectic bunch of pencils and pens. There should be at least one for every section meeting you’ve had. At the end of your last discussion, give all of them to to your GSI and apologize for not returning them all semester. Explain that you’re sorry that you’ve had to borrow one every week and are very grateful for how gracious they’ve been for the past half-year. It’s your word against theirs. They’ll never forget you as long as they still have one of your pens.

Roll on, you Bears.

Contact Raeline Valbuena at [email protected].