Quiz: How should you cure your foot stank?

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There’s nothing better than getting hot and zesty in your favorite summer kicks. But we all know someone who suffers from bromodosis, the inability to control foot stank. Sometimes the ones we love most can pungently hurt us the most, but there is a way to remedy this situation. We at the Clog have got the perfect quiz to help you find the perfect remedy for curing all your shoe smell problems so you can keep your fun in the sun and your friends too.

  1. What do you have tickets for this summer?
    1. To the concrete jungle where dreams are made
    2. I have tickets to Fiji or maybe Morocco — somewhere exciting and tropical.
    3. My cousin’s summer camp talent show
    4. Hard Summer
  2. “Dude, I just stepped in ______!”
    1. a pile of what is most likely human feces.
    2. that dumpster full of old Adam Sandler DVDs.
    3. tapioca pudding that fell off the counter last week.
    4. the room while my roommate was … “busy.”
  3. How often do you apply deodorant?
    1. Sometimes I forget about it, but my natural oils have nice pheromones.
    2. I apply it every hour. You know, I gotta stay fresh.
    3. Once a day like a functional human being.
    4. Is that a French thing? I don’t think you’re supposed to pronounce the “t.”
  4. “Are you hitting on me?”
    1. Oh honey, you wish.
    2. Baby, if you were the MCAT, I’d spend all seven and a half hours on the biological and biochemical foundations of your living systems.
    3. I don’t know you. I don’t know what you want. But what you need, baby, I got it.
    4. No, sorry, it’s finals.
  5. Oh damn, that’s my jam.
    1. “Special Affair” — The Internet
    2. “Work” — Rihanna ft. Drake
    3. “Midnight City” — M83
    4. “California Love” — 2Pac, Roger, Dr. Dre
  6. Which shoe brand don’t you understand?
    1. Uggs
    2. Crocs
    3. Nikes
    4. Sketchers
    1. Toothpaste and an old toothbrush will fix all of your problems. You’ve got 99 problems and your shoe stank is one. You need to get into all those nooks and crannies and crevices with a minty fresh remedy. Your personality never quits, so you’ll never quit on your shoes. A deep scrub will make sure your shoes will be made for walking for many years to come.
    2. Kitty litter will get the job done. Chances are, you already have multiple cats and multiple litter boxes at your disposal. So take your shoes and bury them in some fresh litter for a few hours. You’re a very grounded person, and this remedy lets you take care of your stank without having to leave your house, where you’re most likely knee-deep in cats.
    3. A deep soak in vinegar and bleach will wash your stank away. This is a classic remedy for a classy person. You value efficiency, and this method is definitely effective and affordable. Keep your kicks fly, your stank away and get back to happy hour.
    4. Wear some socks. These are cheap cotton accessories that you can purchase at many of your local stores. I know you’ve been avoiding them for years, but it may be time to succumb. You value your freedom, but you also value human company. So make yourself all the more lovable by keeping yourself fresh and free to hang.

Roll on, you stanky Bears.

Contact Raeline Valbuena at [email protected].