Spotting the common “CalSO”

Jeffrey Joh/File

Newfound research has discovered a new species of UC Berkeley students colloquially called “CalSOs.” These “CalSOs” are thought to have emigrated from all parts of the world and have seemed to begin to find shelter in the UC Berkeley area. These shy and confused creatures are sometimes hard to spot in the chaotic Berkeley terrain. They can often be mistaken for the sophomore or junior species, but luckily with new research, scientists have noticed a few telltale signs that can help us identify these “CalSOs” and can help us understand what makes them fundamentally unique.

1. Wearing the signature lanyard

These “CalSOs” are often marked by researchers with a sort of lanyard necklace that showcases their individual names. It’s often noted that these “CalSOs” often wear these lanyards until they are fully integrated as UC Berkeley students, sometimes not even until three months of their first fall in the region. If you see a herd of creatures sporting this lanyard, you are most likely observing “CalSOs.”

2. Waiting in line at Top Dog

“CalSOs” are believed to feed on the hot dogs from a Berkeley favorite, Top Dog. If you see a large group of these individuals herded around the Top Dog vicinity, there is a good chance that these could be “CalSOs.”

3. Purchasing everything in sight at T-Shirt Orgy

Researchers have noticed the customary trends surrounding “CalSOs” and visiting a local store called T-Shirt Orgy. It has been noted that these so-called “CalSOs” traditionally cover themselves in UC Berkeley clothing. It is believed to have been developed as a disguise to try to camouflage with the locals.

4. Rolling down 4.0 hill

Ancient “CalSO” folklore is believed to state that rolling down “4.0 hill” is lucky. The “CalSO” species believes that the physical act of rolling down this hill will magically grant them good luck with their grades in their upcoming semester at Berkeley.

5. Singing “Time Warp”

It seems that the song “Time Warp” famously found in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” has become ingrained as a sort of battle cry to the “CalSO” species. They’re often seen singing this song in large groups. Researchers still haven’t decoded the significance of this battle cry, but it’s noteworthy when observing a group of “CalSOs.”

6. Carrying a boba

Boba drinks are strangely a customary delicacy for the common “CalSO.” They can be seen carrying cups of boba and sipping on them on walks around South campus.

7. Avoiding “the seal”

It has been noted that large herds of “CalSOs” tend to avoid the University of California seals near Doe Library. It is a strange phenomenon, but when observing the migratory patterns of “CalSOs” through the campus terrain, they are seen making gaps and cautiously avoiding these seals. Researchers plan on understanding whether these practices can be related to their form of religiosity or superstition.

If you wish to report a “CalSO” sighting please contact the Clog.

Contact Allison David at [email protected].