If “The Bachelorette” contestants went to UC Berkeley

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We all know exactly what you’re wondering every time you anxiously watch a rose ceremony: What major would so-and-so be at UC Berkeley? Well the answers to all your troubles are finally here. We at the Clog have compiled a list of what each contestant (or at least the relevant ones) of “The Bachelorette” would study at UC Berkeley and why.

Jordan — Theater and performance studies

ABC

ABC

This handsome lad would definitely be a TPS major with his impeccable on-screen acting skills. I mean, it seems he even has Jojo fooled that he’s falling for her.

Robby — Environmental design

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ABC

First things first, this guy sure knows how to manscape. That perfectly shaped beard and coiffed hair just tells you he’d be great in landscaping and environmental design. We know there is a lot more that goes into this major, but he already has a head-start in experience.

Wells — Peace and conflict studies

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ABC

It’s funny how one of the smallest guys on the show decides to get in the middle of every argument. When Chad was ripping shirts and the house was in chaos, Wells was there to mediate … or at least try to.

Chad — Food systems

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ABC

If you’ve watched “The Bachelorette” this season, the one thing you know is that Chad loves his food. He was seen eating his way through all the cocktail parties. Some joked that he wasn’t there for Jojo but came for the food. Unfortunately, UC Berkeley doesn’t offer a major in “how to be a jerk” or “handling ‘roid rage” so this was the next best option.

Evan — Toxicology

ABC

ABC

As an erectile dysfunction specialist, it seems that toxicology would be a good background to have. Understanding drugs would definitely help in his field of work, especially knowing all there is to know about that little blue pill (if you know what we mean).

Alex — American studies

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ABC

This guy just loves America. A lot. He’s part of the Marine Corps and a true patriot. He surely proved this by the star-spangled socks he wore to his two-on-one date with Chad. Go ‘Murica!

Derek — Undergraduate business administration (Haas)

ABC

ABC

Not to generalize those of you who are business majors, but y’all are usually pretty confident and cutthroat — so is Derek. Going into his two-on-one with Chase, he acted like the rose was in the bag. Most of us know how that ended.

James T. — Creative writing

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ABC

Taken from the sweet poem he wrote to Jojo, this adorable softy would’ve totally enjoyed writing up a storm in the English department. No wonder he’s so good at writing songs!

Luke — Chemistry

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ABC

This guy must have majored in chemistry, because his chemistry with Jojo is unparalleled. What do you get when you mix Jojo plus Luke plus hot tub? Well there was definitely a reaction.

Vinny — Italian studies

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ABC

Honestly, we just picked this major because he’s just really Italian and kind of reminds us of Vinny from “The Jersey Shore.” Also, we don’t quite know what a barber majors in.

Chase — Forestry and natural resources

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ABC

This guy is pretty boring. I mean, the personality is not really there, so we just based this one off of random things. Honestly, he’s from Colorado and is wearing a green shirt, therefore we thought of trees.

Christian — Media studies

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ABC

Christian is so sweet and sociable he just screams Media Studies. He definitely didn’t have any communication issues with other housemates, which he could have definitely learned at his imagined years at UC Berkeley. Wow, he just looks so happy.

Daniel — Astrophysics and applied mathematics

ABC

ABC

Clearly, this one is the most obvious. What screams male model more than an astrophysics and applied mathematics double major. This guy just seems like a complete genius. He would definitely set the curve.

Next time you watch “The Bachelorette,” try to imagine Chase as a super boring forestry and natural resources major or Jordan as a dedicated thespian.

Contact Allison David at [email protected].