To all you Internet dweebs out there: Get ready to have your socks knocked off by the wonders of the outdoors. So drop the Pokemon tracker and get ready to explore the wonders of nature, courtesy of the Clog’s wilderness walk. Put your iPhones away for the day, we’re about to go into the woods. Please try not to hiss at the brightness of the sun.
Now if you look to your right, you’ll see a massive collection of fish poop on top of a nice layer of dirt. This is all kept nice and moist by roughly many gallons of water. Surrounding this miraculous cesspool of stagnant animal feces juice are somewhere between 19 to 2,934 trees. Some of those are Aspen trees, and you can tell that by the way they look.
Moving right along, now we can see that we have already come quite far in our expedition. Isn’t this height absolutely exhilarating? What’s even more exhilarating is the idea that the next rock we dislodge could be the perfect one to send this side of the mountain into a murderous avalanche. If you sneeze too hard, the whole thing may slip apart. Nothing beats the fear of death on a sunny afternoon.
Next up on today’s nature walk is the great adventure of finding Dory. The one and only step to finding Dory is catching a fish. This entails throwing a sharp metal object near Dory and hoping that you can fool her into nibbling on your death weapon. Once you think you’ve got her on you line be sure to yank her out of her natural habitat aggressively and drag her onto land.
If you’re lucky, you can really see nature in action when the fish try to sun tan. This can be seen when they flash their pale under bellies to the sky. You know you really did it right when the fish can’t stop sun tanning its stomach no matter how hard it tries. We will spare you from a photo of the tanning ordeal.
Lastly, please check out the exciting sight of snow in July on these mountain tops! Pretty impressive considering the current global warming situation. Yet another wonderful reminder that death is imminent.
We hope you enjoyed this expedition and you weren’t too overwhelmed by the many fun and specific facts that have been shared.
Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].