Memorable moments from the Democratic, Republican National Conventions

Angela Radulescu/Creative Commons

This year the whole country watched the Republican National Convention, or RNC, and the Democratic National Convention, or DNC, with a mixture of awe, confusion, sadness and anticipation. While our last shred of hope that the RNC would somehow be able to overstep the public and elect literally any nominee other than Donald Trump was shamelessly and hopelessly dashed, we were at least able to cheer ourselves up with endless videos and images of Bill Clinton frolicking among the beautiful balloons celebrating Hillary Clinton’s nomination.

If you didn’t get to watch, we at the Clog have conveniently rounded up our favorite, most memorable quotes from both conventions.

From the RNC:

“We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore.” — Donald J. Trump

“Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.” — another doozy from our pal, Donald J. Trump

“In this race for the White House, I am the law and order candidate.” — Donald J. Trump (not so judging from your rallies)

“Who says nothing good comes out of reality TV?” Representative Sean Duffy asked us all as he stood next to his wife, whom he met on the “Real World.”

“I’ve always said that me and Mr. Trump have three things in common. We’re both successful businessmen, we both have had hit television shows and we both have intelligent wives who are much better looking than we are.” — Willie Robertson, Duck Dynasty star

“You know and somebody with a nice tan needs to say this: All lives matter.” — Darryl Glenn, Colorado Senate candidate

“I feel like the anchovy on Ivanka’s Caesar salad” — Tom Barrack Jr.

“He is color blind and gender neutral.” — Ivanka Trump

“I appreciate the enthusiasm of the New York delegation. [booing]” — Ted Cruz

“Who better to let the politicians know ‘you’re fired’ than Donald Trump?” — Florida Governor Rick Scott

“I humbly and gratefully accept … ” — Donald J. Trump

“You know, he’s a man known for his large personality, a colorful style and lots of charisma, and so, well, I guess he was looking for someone to balance the ticket.” — Governor Mike Pence

“When I was a kid the great debate was about how to defeat the Soviet Union … Now we are told the great debate is about who gets to use which bathroom. This is a distraction from our real problems. Who cares?” — Peter Thiel, Founder of PayPal

“Before my father passed away in 2007, he joked to CNN that he dreamed that Chelsea Clinton had interviewed him about the three greatest threats facing this nation. He replied, ‘those three greatest threats are Osama, Obama, and yo mama.’” — Jerry Falwell Jr., Liberty University President

“Today, we have stagnating wages … the threat of ISIS … the Democrats answer to all that is to nominate the woman who helped to orchestrate America’s decline. That has to be some cruel joke. Like skinny jeans on men or man buns.” — Laura Ingraham, Radio host

From the DNC:

“Can I just say, to you ‘Bernie or bust’ people, you’re being ridiculous.” — Sarah Silverman, comedian

“I will be the first member of congress who was once undocumented as an immigrant. You take that, Donald Trump!” — New York Senator Adriano Espaillat

“What kind of man cheats students, cheats investors, cheats workers? Well I’ll tell you what kind of a man. A man who must never be president of the United States” — Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren

“Love always trumps hate” — Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey

“Donald Trump and Mike Pence have united to form the ‘make misogyny great again’ ticket.” — Ilyse Hogue, president of NARAL Pro-Choice America

“It’s a choice between the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Hate” — Representative Hakeem Jeffries of New York

“There has never been a man or a woman — not me, not Bill, nobody — more qualified than Hillary to serve as president of the United States of America” — President Barack Obama

“In the spring of 1971, I met a girl.” — Former president Bill Clinton

“Tonight, we are closer than ever to putting a woman in the White House. And I can almost hear mom saying, ‘Well, it sure took y’all long enough.’” — Cecile Richards, president of Planned Paranthood Action Fund

“When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is: When they go low, we go high.” — First Lady Michelle Obama

“Don’t boo, vote.” — President Barack Obama

“Long before Donald Trump struggled to read the letters LGBTQ off a teleprompter last week, Hillary Clinton stood before the United Nations and boldly declared that gay rights are human rights and human rights are gay rights.” — Chad Griffin, Human Rights Campaign president

“Donald Trump, you’re asking Americans to trust you with their future. Let me ask you, have you even read the United States Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy.” — Khizr Kahn, father of soldier killed in Iraq

“He’s trying to tell us he cares about the middle class, give me a break! That’s a bunch of malarkey.” — Joe Biden

“Don’t believe anyone who says ‘I alone can fix it.’ Americans don’t say ‘I alone can fix it,’ we say, ‘we’ll fix it together.’” — Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton

“He’s just offering slogans, and he’s offering fear. He’s betting that if he scares enough people, he might score just enough votes to win this election. That is another bet that Donald Trump will lose. Because he’s selling the American people short. We are not a fragile or frightful people. Our power doesn’t come from some self-declared savior promising that he alone can restore order. We don’t look to be ruled.” — President Barack Obama

“Bernie, your campaign inspired millions of Americans, particularly the young people who threw their hearts and souls into our primary. To all of your supporters here and around the country, I want you to know we’ve heard you. Your cause is our cause.” — Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton

“Hillary was tough. I was worn out. She was doing everything I was doing, but just like Ginger Rogers, it was backwards and in heels.” — President Barack Obama

“My father is not a criminal or rapist. In fact, he’s a United States veteran.” — Eva Longoria, actress

“In Donald Trump’s America, it doesn’t matter that I’m an accomplished attorney and a policy expert, it just matters how attractive I am on a scale of one to 10.” — Jennifer Lim, cofounder of Republican Women for Hillary

“Hello everyone. I’m Michael Jordan and I’m here with Hillary. I said that because I know that Donald Trump couldn’t tell the difference” — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, member of the NBA Hall of Fame

“America is already great. America is already strong. And I promise you, our strength, our greatness, does not depend on Donald Trump.” — President Barack Obama

“This election is about which candidate understands the real problems facing this country and has offered real solutions, not just bombast, not just fear mongering, not just name calling and divisiveness.” — Senator Bernie Sanders

“That is the story of this country, the story that has brought me to this stage tonight. The story of generations of people who felt the lash of bondage, the shame of servitude, the sting of segregation, but who kept on striving, and hoping and doing what needed to be done so that today, I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves.” — First Lady Michelle Obama

“And because of Hillary Clinton, my daughters, and all our sons and daughters now take for granted that a woman can be president of the United States.” — First Lady Michelle Obama

“If there are any little girls out there who stayed up late to watch, let me just say: I may become the first woman president, but one of you is next.” —Former First Lady of Arkansas, former First Lady of the United States of America, former Senator of New York, former Secretary of State and current Democratic Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton 

This little girl stayed up to watch so you didn’t have to. All we have to say is that losing Joe Biden’s constant, reassuring and hilarious presence in our lives is goddamn malarkey.

Contact Jasmine Tatah at [email protected].