Everyone secretly (or not so secretly) hopes to find the person of their dreams while at college. We hope that we’ll sit down next to someone in lecture, strike up a conversation and voila — the great romance of our lives is born. The reality, however, is not so optimistic. After slogging through endless swipes on Tinder and awkward small talk with that almost-cute person in your discussion and staring dreamily at pictures of your celebrity crush, it can be easy to get disheartened and wonder if the person you want to be with even exists.

We at the Clog don’t know if they do, but we know what you’re doing wrong. So we devised a foolproof guide to finding the niche love of your life in college.

1. Pick a very specific quality or interest you want them to have. This is the most essential step. We’re not talking attractiveness or height specifics here, or any other physical characteristic. Maybe you want to date somebody who’s charitable. Maybe you want somebody who’s comedic or knows multiple foreign languages. Perhaps the person of your dreams is religious or really passionate about a certain subject. We at the Clog don’t know what you want, but you have to have something non-physical that you want in a person. If not, you’re probably not even ready to meet the love of your life.
   
2. Research campus associations with this quality. If you want somebody who’s charitable, look into various charity organizations on campus. Comedic? We have a plethora of stand-up events and improv groups. If you’re interested in somebody who’s passionate about particular subjects, you could even check out classes in majors related to that subject to see if anything could fulfill a breadth requirement. Figure out a plan of attack and narrow down your interest into what organizations and classes you would be interested in going to.
3. Utilize your network. Ask your friends and close acquaintances if they know anybody with this interest. For example, if you really want to date a writers, you could check with everybody you know who does creative writing or is an English major if they know any viable writer candidates. Your connections aren’t just valuable for business pursuits, people. See if anyone can set you up on blind dates. If this works, you may not even have to continue with steps 4 — 6.
4. Cultivate a knowledge of the subject. Obviously, you can’t let this person know that you just wanted to meet somebody with their interest. That could be considered weird and creepy, although we at the Clog don’t think so. Therefore, you have to have some idea of the interest you’re obsessing over. So maybe you want to date a French person but know nothing about French or France. We hate to break it to you, but you should know something about France before pursuing this further, even if it’s just that there’s a thing called the Eiffel Tower and how to say “bonjour.”
5. Attend events. Now that you know of places where you can find people with this quality, and have a basic knowledge of what you’re looking for, you can actually act. Enroll in a relevant class or just tag along with a friend to one of their lectures. Attend performances or socials of the organizations that feature this quality. For example, if you want to date somebody with religious beliefs, try being an active member of a youth group. If you want a bae who can sing to you, go to an a capella concert. You really have to commit to this, with regular or semi-regular attendance, so you don’t just look like you’re there to meet the love of your life.
6. Get to know people within these events. It’s time to let your sparking personality shine. Talk to the person sitting next to you. Make friends with the members of applicable clubs. Don’t just go to socials and hide, daydreaming of the love of your life appearing and approaching you — actually socialize. Make an effort to meet people, since that’s the whole reason you’re there anyway.
7. Apply your other standards. Now you’ve found people with the interests you want and gotten to know their personalities a little, you can return to those superficial standards of before. Here’s when you can pull out hotness and height requirements. If you don’t want to be with someone who refuses to text back, or someone who has made multiple sexist jokes, you don’t have to. Just because they have one of your ideal qualities doesn’t mean they have the rest of them. Plus, now you’ve met enough people with that very specific ideal quality to have a wide array to chose from.
8. Profit. Do we hear wedding bells? Maybe, because now you’ve found the niche love of your life. Sure, there might still be a few hits-and-misses with dates, but you’re almost definitely guaranteed to have some form of success. All we ask in repayment for your eternal love is an honorary mention in your vows. And hey, since you met at college, maybe your wedding color scheme can be Berkeley blue and California gold. Congratulations, you crazy kids.