You can read this later

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Unlike the heaps of laundry piling up in our closets, procrastination is pretty unavoidable. No matter how hard we try, it seems impossible to muster the motivation required to stay on top of all of the chores and assignments that we dread. Luckily, today is Fight Procrastination Day. That’s right, Sept. 6 is dedicated to tackling that long list of annoying tasks that you’ve been avoiding for months now.

Today, we’ll finally take the recycling out to the dumpster. We’ll go to the grocery store and give up our diet of cereal and peanut butter. And we’ll do it all before washing the aforementioned mountain of laundry that’s been neglected for a shameful number of weeks.

Let’s start with the leaning tower of pizza boxes that have accumulated to an impressive height in the kitchen. Although it seems like a shame to dismantle such a special labor of love, the cardboard is beginning to become structurally compromised. The milk cartons that you’ve been using as supportive beams for the greasy eighth wonder of the world are no longer offering the architectural assistance that they once could. Not to mention that the remaining drops of milk at the bottom of the container have passed the point of mold and are beginning to turn into a new type of cheese.

It’s time to bite the bullet and brave the outdoors to get rid of this towering feat. Bonus points if you can take everything in one trip, and double bonus points if you don’t hiss at the sunlight when you step outside. Since you’ve successfully saved the planet with all of that recycling, it’s absolutely necessary that you reward yourself with a nap. Physical labor is exhausting, and your body needs to recover.

Your well-deserved, two-hour nap should give you just enough energy to brave the elements for grocery shopping. According to the minimal amount of knowledge we absorbed from Nutritional Sciences and Toxicology 1o, a diet of frozen food and peanut butter isn’t going to cut it for the third week in a row. Don’t be alarmed when you first walk around the produce section. Try to play it cool and pretend that you remember the names of the foreign green objects surrounding you while subtly reading the labels to deduce which leaf is spinach. Remember to be patient and civilized when checking out at the end of the whole ordeal. This is your first human interaction in days, so don’t mess it up. Once you’ve returned home from that treacherous voyage, award yourself with some ice cream. You can be healthy tomorrow.

It’s safe to say that laundry is the bane of everyone’s existence. Anyone who attempts to convince themselves otherwise is lying through their front teeth. Every few weeks we must all suffer the torture of dragging our dirty clothes through public areas for the sake of personal hygiene. There is no chore more time consuming and inconvenient, but the benefits do outweigh the costs. Just barely. After you’ve trekked through the war-torn battlefield of laundry detergent and spin cycles, promptly resign to a 364-day long hiatus. The folding of your newly cleaned clothes will just have to wait until next year’s Fight Procrastination Day.

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].