How to throw a party

Lauren Glasby/Staff

40 years ago, a party without a disco ball was barely a party at all. In the 80s, keeping the television tuned to MTV was an essential ingredient in any social event. Just a decade ago, parties were immediately declared dead if any song other than “Low” by Flo Rida was played. Times change quickly, and party trends change with them. Today, throwing a successful party is as complex and stressful as ever. Luckily, we at the Clog have useful tips and recommendations to guide the modern day party-thrower.

  1. The first step to any party is inviting guests. While social media platforms like Facebook make sending invitations easier than ever, news of a truly trendy party will spread exclusively through word of mouth. People don’t want to go to the parties they know about. They want to go to the parties they don’t know about. So don’t notify anyone of your plans to throw a party, not even your closest friends. Shrouding your party in secrecy is the only way to ensure people will actually show up.
  2. Properly preparing the house for a party is a crucial step to attracting guests. The best parties rage on deep into the night, and in order for this to happen, people absolutely cannot stop dancing. To facilitate this, it’s necessary to remove all furniture from your house. Every couch, bed, table and chair must go. Not only do they create a cluttered dance floor, but they also encourage people to sit and rest. Resting does not promote partying, so the option to rest should be removed altogether. Once your home has been cleared of all furniture, the party can begin.
  3. Selecting a time to start the party is always a challenge. A good rule of thumb is the earlier the better. 6 p.m. is often the best choice. People can find your place before the sun sets, and it’s right at dinner time. This allows people to arrive with a full stomach, which is ideal for partying.
  4. Exclusivity is an aspect of partying that can set your party apart from the rest. Nothing is more tantalizing to party-goers than an exclusive event. To create this sense of selectivity, each guest must correctly answer a series of riddles before being allowed to enter. As soon as word spreads of how difficult it is to gain entrance to the party, expect a long line of people to form outside the door as they desperately try to solve each riddle.
  5. Once the guests have entered the house, it becomes the responsibility of the host to entertain. As a host, there are two essential elements you must provide — literature and tinfoil. It’s vital to provide guests with pieces of literature to facilitate light conversation. Popular pieces include the screenplay to “12 Years a Slave” and the most recent obituary section from any newspaper. For those people who already have “12 Years a Slave” memorized, you’ll want party toys like tinfoil. Tinfoil is the new must-have. It’s shiny, moldable and insulates heat well, so it’s no wonder that it has replaced ping-pong balls as the essential toy for any party.
  6. Of course, every party must end. It’s best that it ends before 10 p.m. The guests are definitely tired at this point, and shutting it down at 10 provides them with just enough time to return home before passing out. Any later and you might end up with overnight guests in your now unfurnished home. Once everyone has left and the party has come to a close, you can bask in the glory of having thrown the trendiest party of the night. Nonetheless, it’s still important to closely follow new party fads — today’s tin foil could be tomorrow’s disco ball. 

Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].