Lessons on romance

Brian Ly/File
Brian Ly/File

If you look at the long list of things we at the Clog need to get done this week, you’ll probably find vacuuming halfheartedly scrawled at the bottom. If you look even further down, you’ll see where we erased the task of doing our readings for next Monday. And if you look underneath that spot you’ll see where we would’ve written “romantic date” if that were something that we ever realistically intended to do. The idea of taking the time to organize the theatrics and logistics required for a swoon-worthy evening is less appealing than, well, vacuuming. There are papers to write and club emails to send, all while desperately avoiding your tabling responsibility for the week. Now, whether we’re actually that busy or just trying to make ourselves feel important is yet to be determined. Regardless, we certainly don’t have time for frivolous activities like romancing or thoughtful dating. Luckily, we at the Clog have a solution to this paradox so you won’t be forever alone, like we are destined to be. Take your dates to class!

For starters, have them accompany you to audit Math 125A: mathematical logic. This provides you with the perfect setting to quantitatively explain the logic behind the equation of Me + You= Love. Bonus points if you subtly can graph the equation of a heart, x^2 + [y-(x^2)^1/3]^2 = 1, to impress your date. Double bonus points if you have any idea what “proof theory” is.

Definitely take them to any physical education course you can get into. After all, nothing says undying passion quite like organized group exercise. Sweat, pheromones and your brother’s youth league soccer shorts: It doesn’t get any sexier than that.

Audit a class in the college of natural resources together to show that you’re not scared of your future as a couple. Your involvement in discussions about about environmental sustainability will show that you’re in it for the long haul. Talking about saving the planet for eternity is the opposite of those dreaded commitment issues.

It’s important to show your bae you love them, not just to say it. That’s why you should have them go with you to Linguistics 1B, American Sign Language II. There you can learn to literally show them “I love you” while also learning how to sign curse words for the next time you have to do anything at the health center. If that romantic gesture falls flat, you can hit up a French 13 to take a closer look at the language of love.

Ambiance can make or break a date, so pay close attention to the venue that you select for you and your loved one. It’s important to keep their interests in mind. For instance, unless your honey bear has a thing for asylums, avoid Tolman Hall’s mental hospital-esque classrooms at all costs. Wheeler Hall offers a unique blend of humidity and rats that will have your date all hot and bothered, respectively.

If all else fails and you’ve got to pull out the big guns, take the future cheese to your mac to Chemistry 3A to have chemistry in chemistry. Trust us, Bunsen burners won’t be the only things turned on during lab.

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].