Hello from the other side of Sproul Plaza

Kristine Wong/Staff

We’ve all been there — the walk to class, the walk into class and, often the most treacherous, the walk home from class. Despite the fact that we all attend a major public university with just under 40,000 students, it seems almost impossible to stroll to class without encountering at least one familiar face. Though this fact might appear comforting and even exciting on the surface, the high likelihood of an encounter is conversely highly alarming and leads to some of the most uncomfortable greetings in social history. In turn, we at the Clog have thoughtfully included four examples of these “hellos” so we can all take comfort in our common struggle.

Hello #1: the enthusiastic greeting with no response. This is one of the most prevalent “hellos” I have encountered, in which one party invitingly greets the other to no acknowledgement or little reaction. This leads said greeting party to feel awkward as hell and bystanders to all stare in discomfort.

Hello #2: the approaching hello diverted by one or both parties looking down in utter awkwardness. These encounters are, again, highly common and often occur when one passes a former hook up or drunken mistake and has yet to acknowledge to the other party or oneself that this event has occurred. Additionally, this can occur when one party looks wretched and does not want the other party to see them in this fashion.

Hello #3: the headphone hello. This exchange is another daunting obstacle we encounter each time we’re on campus. Natural selection has inclined us to help minimize the awkward silence of walking to class by bracing ourselves with the glories of Spotify. But often times, when we encounter a familiar face, we automatically utter “hello” without knowledge of the other party’s use of headphones. This subsequently leads to either Hello #1 or even worse, the horror of the one-headphone-five-second conversation.

Hello #4: Lastly, to end with a bang, our personal nightmare — the continuous hello. This hello occurs when you encounter an individual on your way to class and end up having forced conversation until you arrive conveniently at the exact same place. This hello can even be followed by the ever-so-uncomfortable predicament of being forced to sit next to this individual.

Yet, with these horrors in mind, we propose to continue to say hello, which can lead to the prevention of 50 percent of these encounters and make someone’s walk to class a little more exciting.

Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].