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Forgetting your earbuds: apocalyptic or shameful?

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OCTOBER 14, 2016

We have all done it. At some point we’ve forgotten the modern day equivalent of the holy grail: our earbuds. In a world where we are always plugged into something, it’s no surprise that this predicament can feel so apocalyptic.

Because we attend a school where a walk to campus can feel like a star trek, we at the Clog have compiled some reasons to remind you why you should always be sure you have your audio-listening devices.

We have one less excuse to not swerve any and all human interaction.

If you’re like the majority of the population at this school, you likely avoid casual small talk like the plague. So, when you’re spotted on campus defenseless (or headphone-less), you’re out of an excuse to avoid uncomfortable side chatter with the old GSI you just ran into by VLSB or your freshman year dorm crush.

We become a walking target on Sproul.

As if Sproul wasn’t lethal before, nothing comes close to the utter savagery that are Sproulers versus unarmed walkers. When we walk this strip of no-man’s land without a technological device attached to our ears, we immediately turn into shark bait, and our future becomes that of a great white versus the fake seal on Shark Week.

Our mind begins to race and we become hyper-aware of our surroundings.

When we tune out of our technological worlds and become mindful of our environment, it seems as though we notice things we never thought of before. We finally notice that in just a short walk from class, we manage to run into at least four people we’ve drunkenly made out with, three annoying kids from our past discussion sections and maybe even a Trump supporter. This information alarms us and leads us to panic. It seems like everyone is staring at us and infiltrating our lives.

We start to do the “let’s check in with ourselves” thing.

Noticing all of these noteworthy individuals leads us to start pondering our own existence. We start to ask ourselves questions like, “How are my academics doing,” “What’s going down in the dm’s of my love life” and the real heavy hitter, “Am I emotionally stable?”

We are led to inexplicable madness.

As a result of our self-evaluation, we start to realize that our lives are actually in shambles, and we enter into a state of hysteria. Our lack of distracting stimuli leads us to start to rapidly pace through the streets and enter a state of mental disarray.

Our sanity seems to be hanging by a thin thread and because of our constant activities, we never really have time to realize the chaos around us. So, to avoid a psychotic breakdown due to 15 minutes of alone time, please do your peers, and your mental stability, a favor and remember those earbuds.  

Contact Nichole Bloom at [email protected].

OCTOBER 13, 2016