It’s coming. The best holiday of the year is rapidly approaching, and hopefully this year it won’t be filled with students from the University of Spoiled Children. However, you might find that you’re sick of seeing angels and devils on Halloween. After all, what angel has time to wear lingerie? There are lives to save, people. Therefore, we at the Clog have thought of alternative options for this legendary holiday.
Because Wildfire would blow up your phone more than your GroupMe would the day before a group project is due, we don’t suggest dressing as a clown. It’s just too soon.
And since it’s important to be politically correct this Halloween season, as it is every day, we’re suggesting dressing up as a compass, a pencil eraser or a piece of dirt. If you follow all the rules of being PC, you shouldn’t upset anyone with these clever costumes. Although, there is a chance that you might offend ship navigators, pen lovers and other types of soil on this campus somehow.
If you’re looking to actually avoid rioting this Halloween, you can always walk around during parties and play a drinking game. One shot for each time you see someone wearing fake blood on their throat, one shot for each time you see someone dressed as Miley Cyrus and, finally, three shots for each time you see a guy wearing a jersey as they do on every other day of the week, year-round. This game might be how your life ends, though. So once again, take all our advice with a grain of salt.
If you’re looking for a haunted house type of night, you could break into Wheeler and roam through the dark, lonely halls. Maybe you’ll find the Chamber of Secrets or even the lost chicken nuggets fromGBC. May they rest in peace.
Whatever you’re going to be doing this Halloween, go against the norm and for the love of god, don’t be an angel for the fifth year in a row. The Clog has also decided to go ahead and veto all Harambe costumes right now. Meme costumes will be accepted on an application-only basis. And since we all know the weekends now start on Wednesday, happy early Halloweekend!
Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].