While we at the Clog are not usually proponents of exclusion, we recommend that you only invite friends who share the same political opinions as you to your election night party in order to keep the peace. If you want your party to be #lit, you should definitely have started planning well before this moment in time in which you’re reading this. But luckily for you, we’ve got your back. Follow these somewhat simple steps, and you’ll be on your way to election party greatness.
You’ll definitely want some drinks at your party. Ideally, your cup will runneth over so much so that you can forget the crazy cast of characters that have been a part of this election cycle. Think red, white and blue sangria, alcoholic gummy coca-cola candies and red and blue jello shots. To make the two different types of sangria, add combine sparkling water and red wine in one punch bowl and sparkling water and white wine in another. Add fresh blueberries and sliced green grapes to the red wine and frozen raspberries and coconut shavings to the white wine. Top both the red and the white sangria with a bit of orange juice and a dash of cranberry raspberry juice. Mix, and drink up.
For the gummies, add several packages of gummy coca-cola candies to a deep tray, and pour coconut rum onto the tray so that all the candies are covered. Let them soak overnight, or until the alcohol is absorbed, then watch as they disappear quicker than Jeb Bush’s chances at the presidency. As for the jello shots, we’re pretty sure you know what to do. Top them with a little bit of whipped cream for a tasty and patriotic treat. It’s time to celebrate America.
You’re going to want to have ample amounts of snacks for your political compatriots to stress eat as the night gets later and the electoral math becomes more complicated. In honor of Trump’s orange complexion and Clinton’s penchant for pantsuits, we’ve come up with a few snack ideas to keep your stomach satisfied as you watch the rest of the country potentially crumble around you.
Everyone loves a good cheese plate. If you’re trying to create the illusion of classiness, then this is the snack your party needs. Cut up cubes of cheddar cheese and arrange them on a platter. If you’re feeling really fancy, you could even throw in some pepper jack cheese cubes, because this election cycle has been anything but ordinary. Space the cheese cubes out so that they spell U.S.A., and garnish the plate with strawberries and blueberries for the perfect red, white and blue snack spread.
Since every good gathering needs dessert, you should be prepared to bake as many cupcakes as humanly possible. Channel your artistic side and frost each cupcake with a different colored pantsuit for a rainbow array of color-coordinated goodness.
If you want to keep people interested throughout the long night of news, you’re going to need to have some games to keep them engaged. This election cycle, we’re suggesting choose your own adventure election stories, candidate mad libs and other interactive games. If you print out a model of Trump’s hand, you can keep your guests occupied for hours as they compare whether or not they measure up to or fall short of the Republican nominee’s infamous hands.
Ensure your guests are as happy as former president Bill Clinton was at the Democratic National Convention by blowing up comically large balloons. Normal sized balloons won’t do. Four of these balloons should fill up your entire apartment. Watch your friends go crazy with childish delight as they run after the balloons. Be sure to take pictures so you can all compare your happy faces with that of Bill Clinton.
While there are plenty of news sources to choose from, each with its own biases, we’d recommend switching back and forth between several channels. Stephen Colbert will be broadcasting live, so you’ll definitely want to have him on at least one screen. We’ve missed the Colbert Report dearly this election cycle, and now’s our chance to get a little more of that hot-headed pundit’s perspective than we’ve had access to since Colbert left Comedy Central.
If you have a few different monitors or screens, then spend the rest of the night switching back and forth between our friends at Fox News and MSNBC. You’ll stay informed and entertained by getting your news from both sides. Did someone say media bias?
No matter where you stand on the myriad policy issues facing our city, county, state and country, this election is undeniably important, and should be celebrated in style.
Rachel Feder is the blog editor. Contact Rachel Feder at [email protected].