Congratulations, America. We did it. We lived through an election where Republican primary nominees dropped like flies, where the general presidential debates got nasty — pun intended — and where [say something about the winner]. Now that it’s over, though, we at the Clog have realized something. The election was our fallback conversation material. It’s how we weeded out the people we didn’t want to speak to — aka supporters of the other candidate — and it was a really great way to get people talking when we didn’t know what else to talk about. What are we supposed to do at awkward friends-of-friends meetings? Familial gatherings? Study sessions?
Never fear. We know the post-election period can be a trying time for everybody involved, but the Clog is here to help you ease your way into non-election-related conversation. Here are our tips:
- If you’re dying for a political conversation, you could always talk about the ASUC elections. Sure, they’re about half a year away, but they’re definitely exciting. Right?
- We hear the Kardashians are having things happening to them? Maybe you could talk about that.
- You could repeat your most recent lecture back to your conversational companion. That way you’re both studying and talking. It’s a win-win. Plus, they’re learning, so it’s really a win-win-win.
- The Big Game is coming up. Replace all those swing state percentages in your head with sports statistics so you can discuss our chances of beating Stanfurd.
- Just don’t speak.
- Say a bunch of nonsense words at random. It works for certain candidates, why not for you?
- Talk about the real power exchange of the year — who is going to replace Chancellor Nicholas Dirks?
- The Cubs recently won the World Series. You have about one more week before that’s officially old news, so milk it while you can. Maybe you could even talk about the history of the Billy Goat Curse – it’s fascinating stuff.
- Discuss the most recent article published by yours truly, the Daily Clog.
- Figure out your schedule for the upcoming semester and ask people what they think of it. Boring, but useful.
- Rehash your favorite conspiracy theories — Bush did 9/11, the moon landing was faked, Chancellor Dirks is a werewolf, you name it. Make sure to go into detail.
- Talk about your SAT score. People at college love when you do that.
- Heck, talk about your GPA. It’s a good way to make conversations uncomfortable without using the words “Clinton” or “Trump.”
- Whatever happened to talking about your weekend plans? That’s usually a pretty good conversation starter.
- Just trash on Stanfurd. We love when you do that.
- Revisit how creepy Oski is. It’s a tried and true conversation topic, but it’s beloved for a reason.
- Do you even realize how close finals are? Have that oh-so-typical “finals are coming and I’m going to explode from stress” conversation with everyone you know. It might be a more pleasant conversation topic than the presidential debates.
- Recite your favorite poem at top volume. Then, have your conversational partner analyze it.
- Talk about the new Moffitt. That’s pretty cool, right?
- Just talk about the election. We know you’re dying to. Talk about its impact on you, how you feel about it and what you think is next. Have educated discussions or outright arguments. Trust us, there’s more than enough material. The election isn’t going away for a long time.
Taylor Follett is the assistant blog editor. Contact Taylor Follett at [email protected].