Each residence hall-dwelling student faces a question that every parent will eventually ask — how’s the dining hall food? This Thanksgiving, you could tell them, or you could show them. We’ve created a guide to recreating some of Crossroad’s signature dishes so your parents can truly engage in the Berkeley dining hall experience. They will also engage in the Berkeley experience of receiving annoyingly thorough answers to seemingly harmless questions. If Crossroads has a cookbook, we imagine it probably looks a lot like this.
Grilled Chicken Breast
What you’ll need: a chicken breast, salt and a metal container
- Grill the chicken breast until you are certain that it’s overcooked but not entirely burnt.
- Consider using spices.
- Recall that spices cost money you could be using for things like fences and only use salt.
- Place in a metal bin for an hour. Room temperature must be uncomfortable.
- Serve in odd portions.
Asian Stir Fry
What you’ll need: hard noodles, an assortment of vegetables and explanations
- Allow your guests to select their preferences of vegetables.
- Pan fry the noodles and the vegetables until neither are particularly close to being done.
- Explain that no sauce accompanies the plain noodles and vegetables.
- Explain that the dish is only barely allowed to be called Asian.
- Explain that you can’t cook the vegetables more because somehow there is a line.
What you’ll need: average chocolate cake, Oreos, whipped cream and a loose definition of “Oreo cake”
- Cut out a three-by-three inch square of cake.
- Put whipped cream on top of the cake.
- Place 1/4 of an Oreo on the whipped cream.
- Call it an Oreo cake.
- Insist that placing 1/4 of an Oreo on regular cake still technically makes it Oreo cake.
If these recipes don’t give your parents a clear enough idea of what it’s like to eat at Crossroads, there are countless other things you can do to help them out. Replace all the eggs in the house with pre-made eggs, or make sure that the lettuce leaves are always way too big for sandwiches. Whatever you end up doing, when it comes to the dirty dishes, you can always just tell your parents that at Crossroads you do your own.
Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].