Quiz: How many assignments do you have due this week?

Michael Drummond/File

“What assignments do I care about least?” “What’s the lowest grade I can possibly get without failing out of this class?” It’s that time of year again, when every student has started to ask these pressing questions. With finals season just around the corner, we at the Clog decided to make a quiz to try to guess how many assignments you have due this week. If you have too many to count, then it’s a really good thing that you’re taking this quiz to help procrastinate.

  1. How stressed are you?
    1. I forgot my own name yesterday.
    2. I don’t even know what I should be stressed about first.
    3. Eh, not as stressed as a UC Berkeley student could be.
  2. How often have you checked bCourses?
    1. I check it more than I checked Webkinz when I was younger.
    2. I refuse to check.
    3. I’ve been checking a semi-normal amount.
  3. Are you missing classes this week to catch up on assignments?
    1. It will be a miracle if I make it to any classes.
    2. I’m missing a couple.
    3. I’ll probably miss class to sleep in, not do homework.
  4. How behind are you on laundry?
    1. I walk around naked at this point.
    2. Times are bad, but I’ve certainly had worse weeks.
    3. I just did laundry, and it’s like a whole new world.
  5. How many hours of sleep are you going to get this week?
    1. A grand total of none
    2. Four to six, hopefully
    3. Too many
  6. Do you think you’ll cry this week?
    1. I’ll have no more water in my system by the end of the week.
    2. I’ll cry at least twice.
    3. I’m more of a stress eater.
    1. You have too many assignments to count. You might as well just pack up your things and drop out already. Or, make up a super complicated disease that no one else in the world has to get you out of your assignments.
    2. You’ve definitely seen better days. You have around six to eight assignments due this week, and of course, they’re all worth 114 percent of your grade. Not to mention the fact that they’re all probably due at the same exact time, and you forgot how to write essays.
    3. You’re the one student on campus without a trillion things due this week. Take one for the team and offer to do half of your friend’s assignments. Or just leave Berkeley for the week so you won’t have to deal with the population of your UC Berkeley friends who just keep saying, “I can’t, I’m studying.”

Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].