It’s hard to motivate yourself to exercise, hang out with friends, be a good person and go to class. Honestly, it’s hard to motivate yourself to even get out of bed. After all, what’s the point of moving if you can successfully turn in all your assignments, watch your lectures and study all without leaving your bed? But of course, the hardest thing to motivate yourself to do is to open that textbook and start studying for finals. These next two weeks are serious crunch time. Having useful, unique tips for gaining Hermione-level motivation is essential, and we’ve thought of a few that may or may not work (we will not and cannot guarantee any success):
Look at pictures of your pets
What’s more motivating than thinking about seeing your pets when you come home? Just stare into their furry faces and think about all the great times you’ll have over the month-long winter break. Smile and cherish all the memories: you taking your dog for a walk, you taking your dog to the park, you taking your dog in the car. They were all so beautiful, and you have so much to look forward to. Keep your dog, cat, parrot and rooster in your mind while you study for finals so you know that there’s a world (and little furry being) waiting for you outside of finals hell. Do it for them.
Follow motivational Twitter accounts
Major key alert: Head to your Twitter account right now (if you don’t have a Twitter, make one because honestly, Twitter is the best, and also are you trying to be ancient?) and follow motivational Twitter accounts. Follow at least five so you get a nice variety of lovely sayings and quotes about the meaning of life, etc., etc. That way, every time you open Twitter, you’ll be hit hard with an onslaught of beautiful, inspirational, Tumblr-worthy quotes. After a long day of studying hard in Moffitt Library (or your bed, if you couldn’t motivate yourself — we understand), just head to Twitter and let those quotes bring joy to your life. Because, you know, the purpose of life is living, and life is beautiful and cherish the little things. Or something.
Record yourself screaming at yourself
Is it something a crazy person would do? Maybe, but this tactic has actually proven time and time again to work (A.K.A in “Friends” that one time when Chandler wanted to teach himself not to smoke). Just record yourself telling yourself, “Study, study, study, study,” and listen to it repeatedly while you sleep. We promise you that this tactic is scientifically proven and that you’ll see results even after the first time listening to yourself. You’ll wake up an almost entirely changed person, with so much motivation to study that you just wish you were taking more classes.
Candy, candy and more candy
Not the most healthy tip, but if you’re really having trouble focusing, just eat candy with every thought you have. For example: “2 plus 2 is 4 — oh, time for another Skittle!” Just reward yourself for every little piece of knowledge you stick in your already overcrowded brain, and buy every single bag of candy you can get your hands on. Health doesn’t really matter, especially during finals season, when you really only need to use your brain. Don’t worry about exercising either; just eat candy all day and study your heart out. Don’t forget your vegetables at dinner, though, to counteract all the sugar.
Be a nihilist
And finally, you could even take the stress off of studying and become a nihilist. Nihilists, according to our recent Google search, “believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.” Thanks, Wikipedia. Basically, tell yourself that your finals really don’t matter because nothing really matters, and that will take the stress off of you to ace them and get good grades. And, while not caring about your finals, also destroy them (by, you know, acing them — it’s easy!). You’ll be covering two nihilist principles easily and will believe wholeheartedly in all of your actions even if you just converted to nihilism yesterday. It’s very simple to realize that nothing really matters in your life, and it will definitely help you destress and feel very zen.
These tips were probably not that helpful, but maybe they were. Who knows. All we know is that the next two weeks are going to be hell, so keep your head up and continue to scream at yourself. That’s really all you can do.
Contact Esmé Brachmann at [email protected].