UC Berkeley in the Upside Down

Mary Zheng/File

If you’ve ever watched the show “Stranger Things,” then you’re probably familiar with the Upside Down. But if you’re not, the Upside Down is basically a parallel dimension that’s a reflection of the real world, but darker, colder, foggier and inhabited by a monster. Since this description is pretty similar to that of UC Berkeley, as it’s also inhabited by a monster of its own (Chancellor Dirks), we at the Clog decided to picture what our school’s own Upside Down would look like. Think UC Berkeley, but backwards.

Berkeley time means class starts 10 minutes before the scheduled time 

Because the extra 10 minutes still doesn’t seem to be enough for some people, Berkeley time in the Upside Down would basically be everyone’s worst nightmare. As if we weren’t already sleepwalking enough in the morning, now we have to get to class a full 20 minutes earlier. Unbelievable. If you ever find yourself sucked in through a portal to the Upside Down, you might want to consider setting your watch and phone 20 minutes early, or just consider completely dropping out. And the 8:00 a.m. class you thought started at 8:10? Yeah, more like 7:50.

Students willingly accept fliers on Sproul Plaza

Every day it seems as though we’re constantly dodging and weaving through eager students promoting their clubs and accosting us with unwanted flyers. In the Upside Down, though, it’s all, well, upside down. Students who typically give Sproulers the cold shoulder (we’re estimating 98% of the student population) willingly accept flyers from them and are genuinely interested in whatever “Are you interested in ____?” question they ask.

GSIs write your papers and you grade them

Wouldn’t it be nice to watch your GSIs suffer a little (more than they already do)? We think so too. Luckily, if you ever find your way into the Upside Down, you’ll be living your best dream while your GSI is trapped in their worst nightmare. Now it’s their turn to procrastinate on a paper, leaving themselves only three hours to research and write the whole thing. Once it’s your turn to grade their work, we at the Clog highly recommend giving yourself the A you deserve.

When you step on one of the three seals, you’re guaranteed a 4.0

One of the best perks of UC Berkeley’s Upside Down is that the curse of stepping on the seals has been lifted (but let’s be honest, were we ever eligible for a 4.0 in the first place?). Now, when you step on one of the three seals, you’re guaranteed to graduate with a 4.0. No more going to class. No more midterms. No more all-nighters in Main Stacks. Take us to that portal, please.

“We at the Clog” is actually “You at the Clog”

We know, you’ve always thought of us as the cool ones. In UC Berkeley’s Upside Down, though, you are also a part of the Clog (finally).  Yes, that’s right. YOU are the Clog. Embrace it. But who are “We at the Clog”? You may never know.

Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].