Things you should protest in 2017

Ethan Epstein/File

After the most recent Women’s March that took place in multiple cities all over the world, many people saw the power that can come from a protest. As 2017 progresses, we at the Clog feel that there are many issues that go mostly unnoticed by our generation. These issues, too, need attention:

The ratio of Goldfish to empty space in the packaging 

If I wanted a revoltingly small amount of Goldfish, I wouldn’t buy Goldfish at all. The false advertising on Goldfish packaging depicts several Goldfish swimming around happily, which makes it seem as if there’s an entire Atlantic Ocean’s worth of fish in the plastic wrapping. In fact, there are probably fewer Goldfish in the packaging than there are As in your GPA. Also, the Goldfish on the packaging are wearing sunglasses, and we haven’t quite been able to figure out why one would need sunglasses while swimming in the dark sea. Just more propaganda in the awful ratio of Goldfish to plastic wrapping.

The condition of Bear Transit versus lecture halls

Comparing the interior design of Bear Transit to a lecture hall such as Wurster is like comparing what you think your hookup looks like at night versus the morning after. While Bear Transit is always either air-conditioned or heated and decked with wooden floors, Wurster always looks like it’s on the verge of collapse.

The amount of dumb questions people ask on the first day

“Um, I think this is on the syllabus, but where can I pick up the course reader?” Yes, Betsy, it is on the syllabus, 10 points for you! The absolute worst first-day question is, “When are your office hours?” because it’s always at the top of the syllabus and most likely the first thing dear Betsy would see if dear Betsy looked down and read the syllabus.

Slow walkers 

Some people walk to class as if they’re trying to actually decompose before they reach their lecture hall. Marlin did not go those great lengths to find his son Nemo for you to walk to lecture at that phenomenally slow pace. In order to properly navigate Sproul, you need to find a happy medium between the pace of an ant carrying a bread crumb bigger than its body and a girl practically running during her walk of shame home in the hope that no one she knows will see her.

Lack of mic drops at the end of lectures 

Having the mic attached to the podium in lecture halls across campus has made it impossible for any professor to mic drop at the end of class. If Chancellor Dirks can spend millions renovating Wheeler, there can be millions also spent on detaching the mics from the podiums.

So whether you choose to be a anti-slow-walker activist or a “Cal students against puddles” activist, make 2017 as politically active as you can. Learn about the issues plaguing this campus, and then go and fight for what’s right. In this case, that’s a bag full to the brim with Goldfish.

Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].