When you run into an irrelevant individual

Rachael Garner /File

We all have those people in our lives that we just detest running into. At first sight and by instinct, we may want to sprint away as if our lives depended on it. We might try to hide behind a tree or duck under a table. The things that we do to avoid these certain people may be ridiculous but are definitely viewed as acceptable during a code red emergency. We at the Clog have processed these savage inner thoughts and have detailed out this chaotic process to help you feel like you’re not alone.

  1. Honestly, Berkeley is such a big school. It’s still a daily miracle that you’ll see at least three people you know on your walk to class. I mean, in all of this rush and frenzy, I can barely focus on not tripping over my own feet.
  2. Oh my holy guacamole, please don’t tell me that’s Chuckie. Oh my gosh she’s coming my way. 911, SOS, escape!
  3. FML, there’s no room to move. God help me. This better be short.
  4. No, please don’t hug me. Ugh, don’t ask me how I am, because I have no interest in reciprocating.
  5. Just keep smiling and nodding, this is almost over. Don’t give her any substance to go off of. AH! I feel so awkward. Secretly hoping someone else I know comes and distracts me from this #EXTRA encounter.
  6. Okay, are my signals not obvious enough? Literally, Chuckie, we’re not besties. We’re barely acquaintances. I have no intention of hanging out with you. Listening to you talk about your imaginary love life and your extracurricular activities is a waste of my neurotransmitters. Just stop.
  7. I swear this is worse than going to 8 a.m. classes. How does someone talk so much?!?!? OMFG I’m about to whip out my inner female dog-ness.
  8.  Oh my gosh thank goodness, it finally seems like she’s about to run out of things to talk about. She can finally start to wrap it up and go on with her life and hopefully never see me again.
  9.  I’m so fake. I can’t believe I just spent like five years of my life talking to her and pretending like she’s a productive member of society. Definitely the most irrelevant person, hence why I don’t try with her. Ever.
  10. OK bye. Yes, turn around so I can stop smiling at you and get on with my once-pleasant day before you stepped into my personal bubble.

Contact Sunny Tsai at [email protected].