Let’s spin together — there’s nothing better than the alternative truth!
1. “Oski Bear is terrifying (to the point where looking at him chills you to your very core) on purpose: to fend off our opponents.”
2. “You can get classes at Berkeley!”
3. “Public transportation in Berkeley runs smoothly.”
4. “There are no homeless people in Berkeley.”
5. “Food in UC Berkeley dining halls is delicious.”
And even if you hate it, we’d like to extend our best wishes to all, even the haters and the losers.
6. “We don’t worry about the environment here at UC Berkeley!”
7. “UC Berkeley students are smarter than any other students on this planet.”
9. “Buying textbooks isn’t too expensive!”
10. “UC Berkeley’s campus is really small!”
And to keep it small, we must build a wall between UC Berkeley and the rest of Berkeley!
11. “Classes at UC Berkeley really aren’t big.”
12. “Berkeley weather is fantastic always!”
13. “The Cal football team is on a winning streak.”
Wow, that was fun! We love listing alternative facts about this amazing college we attend, alternative facts that really are facts. Unfortunately, UC Berkeley may not last the next four years.
Contact Esmé Brachmann at [email protected].