Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Your Type-A brain needs a truly A+ project to occupy your time. No, we don’t mean CS ( because C++ looks more like a grade you don’t want than a language to learn). Instead, take it a little more literally: Count all the letter As you can find on campus signs. It’s a great way to relieve stress from midterms by replacing it with the stress of this insane quest!
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Splish splash, Aquarius was taking a bath — in all the puddles on campus. Turn UC Berkeley into your own personal swimming pool and take a few laps in your cutest Speedo while you still can.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Feeling fishy, Pisces? It may be time to clean out your backpack soon — it’s starting to smell.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
This week is the perfect week to try waking up earlier than normal. Early rising has a host of benefits and frees up your whole morning. Watch the sunrise! Eat a real breakfast! Sleep for only two hours and then wake up to get back to work! Bonus: You’ll be on time to class for once.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’re going to reach new heights, Taurus — literally. Take some time to reflect at the top of the Campanile. Don’t just take the elevator up, though. Climbing the outside of the tower will get you active and out in the sunshine (or, more likely, drenched in rain).
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Twin time! Look out for someone just like you. Literally, just like you. Your good twin is out there, Gemini. All you have to do is find them first…
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Model your life after UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens. Trust us. This is a good idea. It’s the right choice for you. Nothing will go wrong.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
With midterms looming, now is the perfect time to focus on your studies. Visit the optometry clinic to get your eyes checked, and, while you’re there, stop in at the library. Be warned: they won’t let you in the door unless you can pass an eye exam.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22)
Now’s the time to purify your life. Cut out all that sinful crap, and eat clean! Sort your drawers and reset to a neater, calmer time. You can even host a Disney marathon. Everyone can use a little more innocence in their lives. We don’t care what you do in your private time, though.
Libra (Sep.23 – Oct. 22)
Fair is only your second favorite f-word, Libra. No, not fuck. We mean free. Keep your eyes peeled for any opportunity to swipe up a gift, even if that gift is a busted umbrella abandoned outside of Top Dog.
Scorpio (Oct. 22 – Nov. 21)
As the sign most resembling a snake, we at the Clog recommend that Scorpios start getting into that Haas mentality. Even if you were just rejected, stay sharp. You never know when someone might “have an accident” or “disappear under mysterious circumstances with no witnesses” and free up a space for you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Sagittariuses are straight shooters. Keep up that honesty by telling every single person you see exactly what you think of their outfit. It’s a great way to make new friends, enemies and frenemies. Don’t just stick with people you know, though. Make sure to compliment the trendy Cal hats worn by our friends at GBC.
Contact Jamie Campbell at [email protected].