‘The Great British Baking Show’ drinking game

Franchesca Spektor/Staff

In honor of the two new seasons of “The Great British Baking Show” that were recently added to Netflix, and the vast stretch of school-less days ahead of us, during which binging television and drinking copiously are highly encouraged, we at the Clog have devised a dastardly drinking (and smoking, pill-popping and pissing) game that’ll burn through an afternoon like Flora burns cheesecakes.

  1. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll probably throw up. Ready, set, bake!
  2. Celebratory shotgun when Mary Berry is wearing her warm puffy coat in a talking head.
  3. Drink every time Mary Berry’s alcoholism is referenced.
  4. Beer bong three beers whenever Paul is referred to as a silverback.
  5. Whenever Mary drinks, you do too.
  6. Take a shot of tequila every time Paul says, “I can’t tell if I like it or not” because it’s so fucking dumb.
  7. Slurp up a Jell-O shot every time someone uses gelatin for something weird and British.
  8. Force yourself to vomit in the trash can when someone throws away their bake (looking at you, Iain).
  9. Drink your beer every time the hosts tell a bad joke and take a shot every time you genuinely laugh.
  10. Take a drink every time you’re horrified by someone’s teeth.
  11. Eat a full ghost pepper whenever Mary’s aversion to spice is mentioned.
  12. Take a pull every time a female contestant mentions how uncomfortable Paul makes her.
  13. Voluntarily piss your pants any time Paul decries the presence of a soggy bottom.
  14. Sling a gravity bong every time something is over-baked.
  15. Take a shot of gin and say “Absolutely scrummy, old chap” when Mary ecstatically describes a bake as scrummy.
  16. Chug a flagon of ale during the Victorian bakes episode.
  17. Sip a Cosmo every time Mary and Paul gleefully discuss how difficult the technical challenge is.
  18. Chug a Smirnoff Ice and burst into tears when Mary declares that in this challenge she’ll be looking for “sheer perfection.”
  19. Every time it cuts to someone’s back story tell the person to your left a deep, dark secret and do a body shot off them.
  20. Spit in someone’s drink every time the brunette host accidentally ruins someone’s bake through naught but pure negligence.
  21. Finish your beer every time someone wins the technical challenge through pure luck.
  22. Take a pill of your own choosing to numb the pain whenever someone cries about how badly their bake went.
  23. Finally, chug the rest of your drink in honor of whoever is eliminated this episode.

If you’re still sober enough to read this, congratulations, you’ve reached Mary levels of alcoholism.

Sasha Ashall is the blog editor and Austin Isaacsohn covers mens basketball. Contact them at [email protected] and [email protected].