Things you should sue UC Berkeley for

Jasmany Flores/File
Jasmany Flores/Staff

On Monday morning, the Berkeley College Republicans decided to sue campus administration because their planned event to host conservative speaker Ann Coulter did not take place on the specific day BCR requested. In light of this, we at the Clog have decided to air our grievances with the administration as well. Obviously, we can’t handle all of the cases, so if any of our lovely readers want to help us out, read on to find out what exactly we really should be suing over.

Not enough nap pods

This is truly unreasonable. Where are we expected to nap, in our own beds? Preposterous. The administration needs to provide more spaces for students to stress-nap (or just cry).

No chicken strips at the Golden Bear Cafe

This is a case for the Supreme Court. UC Berkeley has violated our rights — our right to have edible food. These injustices will not be tolerated any longer.

No one is paying attention to you

Your GSI hasn’t called on you for this entire discussion, but you know all of the answers and are starting to stew. Instead of, you know, just dealing with it, the appropriate response is obviously legal action. Sure, they’ve called on you in the past, and you’ll still have plenty of chances to talk, but that doesn’t matter.

A class being too early 

If you really, really want to take a class, but you just don’t like the time, we have the solution for you: just sue! No more 8 a.m. classes for you!

Someone is in your unassigned assigned seat

How dare someone mildly inconvenience you like this! Now, instead of sitting in the seat that you want, you’ll just have to move on to the next row — how awful!

The elevators in Evans Hall are under construction

It doesn’t matter that there will be another elevator on your floor in the next 30 seconds, you need to be moving right now! Flexibility is overrated, and the campus should be ready to accommodate your every need the moment you request it.

A Main Stacks monitor took your food

Didn’t they realize that the rules don’t apply to you? Better call a lawyer.

It’s open season on the administration, Bears. With any luck, we’ll all have our day in court.

Contact Jamie Campbell at [email protected].