It’s date party season, and you know what that means: You’ll spend hours of your life thinking about dresses, makeup and shoes so that a dude you’ve never met before in Rho Alpha Pi Eta will — I don’t know — attempt to validate your self-worth through physical appearance alone or something? And while the idea of sending pictures of yourself to a fraternity social chair so that a bro can select you as a date based solely on your looks makes us squirm in our seat, the prospect of free dinner and booze sounds pretty damn good. So how can you rationalize this demeaning process with your never-ending fight against the patriarchy? The Clog has a few suggestions.
Unless you’re true feminists like us and already don’t shave, now’s the time to banish this hateful practice altogether! Don’t shave anywhere — we’re talking neck, back, pussy nor crack. Let these boys see what a real woman looks like, and if anyone makes a snide comment you can shove your hairy pussy right in their face! That’ll show them for sure.
Deconstruct every ignorant thing you hear that night
While this should be a thought process constantly spinning through your head, why not spend the entire night vocalizing how ignorant everyone is? Simply explain every detail of why certain practices and expectations of the Greek system, and date party culture in general, are problematic. You’ll make some friends and inspire some truly exciting and vital conversations about sexism and exclusionary practices! This one’ll make you the life of the party.
Cock block everyone
The patriarchy is all about men getting whatever they want at the expense of everyone else. You know what men want the most? That’s right, to dip their dry salami in your dijon mustard. Shimmy and slide all over the dance floor on this super fun outing, making sure to slip right in between canoodling couples. Everyone who’s trying to get lucky tonight will know that you’re the real lucky charm.
Just do whatever you want
The best way to stick it to the man is to just do whatever the fuck you want. Go to a date party and look as hot as you want, wear as little or as much as you want, say and do whatever the fuck you damn well please. It’s your life, baby, just don’t let the unrealistic, chauvinist standards of beauty and behavior dictate any part of it.
Peace, love, Clog, fuck the patriarchy.
Contact Sasha Ashall at [email protected].