Summer internships of no one’s dreams

Hannah Cooper/Staff

The possibilities for summer internships are endless. Business majors eagerly apply to Morgan Stanley and EECS majors to Google, yet we all know the vast majority of these applicants get rejected without even an interview. It’s nice to have a plan B or a plan C, but even then the chances we’ll get those jobs are slim. That’s why it’s good to have some fallback options.

Bowling Hall of Fame Intern — Arlington, TX

Disguise your desperate need for a job as a fiery passion for the history of bowling and you’ll have yourself an internship. Cross your fingers that the hall of fame is air conditioned, because the average high temperature in July in Arlington is in the mid-90s.

Sewing and Sample-making Intern — Brooklyn, NY

If you want the textile sweatshop experience without the pay, this may be the internship for you. Job responsibilities include cutting, sewing, fusing and pressing. Despite the job description’s insistence that it’s “not the typical unpaid assistant position that is so common in the industry,” it sounds like exactly that.

Smithsonian Lighting Intern — Washington, D.C.

To be fair, any job at the Smithsonian would probably be pretty cool. But of all of the internships to have at a world-class museum, this one has to be the lamest. The job description states, “The intern would be assisting our Lighting Specialist, who is part of our Exhibitions department, with tasks related to the lighting for museum galleries, exhibitions or other museum projects.” The only lighting-related task relegated to an unpaid intern is changing a light bulb, but at least you can say you interned at the Smithsonian.

Turf Management Intern — Orion, IL

Your potential employer, the Hillcrest Event Center, is really just looking for an intern to mow their golf turf. In an attempt to cover up the fact that they’re just turning a paid gardening position into an unpaid internship position, they expanded on the job duties a little bit. Your responsibilities include, “determining the frequency of mowing for a pristine lawn,” “determining the proper growing conditions,” and “grooming the area to reduce thickening.” That sounds like three ways to say, “Mow our lawn,” but you still get to write “turf management intern” on your résumé.

Best of luck to everyone applying to their dream companies, we really do hope you get them. But when your aspirations come crashing back to earth, these internship opportunities will almost definitely still be available.

Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].