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National Kissing Day: How to kiss

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JUNE 23, 2017

It’s National Kissing Day and our country’s facing a huge deficiency in experienced kissers. Who can blame us? Kissing can be tricky.

We’ve all been there: you’re staring deeply into a set of dreamy brown eyes, your hands begin to shake and thousands of anxious thoughts rush through your mind before leaning in. OR, you’re drunk at a frat party and a sweaty someone pulls you away from the wine bag long enough to develop the desire to shove your faces together. Whatever the case may be, these are the steps to follow to ensure a magical moment between you and your chosen set of consenting lips. In short, this is how to kiss.

Step 1: The lean
Keep your partner guessing. As the lean begins, plan your strategy. They go left, you fake left then quickly turn right. Keep things interesting by keeping everyone on their toes.

Alternatively, you can skip the lean altogether and take your partner by surprise via the sneak attack. Go for it when they are least expecting it: as they are reading, while they pet a dog, after they take a bite of pizza, etc. The last thing you want to be is boring.

Step 2: The eyes
Many things can go wrong during a kiss. You might miss their lips, kiss the wrong person or be unexpectedly ambushed by a third-party observer. To prevent failure at all costs, keep your eyes open for the entire kiss.

Step 3: The hands
Beginner: Keep arms straight and hands flat against sides.
Intermediate: Place hands on partner’s waist.
Advanced: Braid partner’s hair.

Step 4: The lips
Repeatedly kiss your partner in the style of a woodpecker and always keep lips closed to prevent STIs.

Step 5: The Colin Firth
Nothing says romance like the lanky Firth rubbing his lips against his leading lady’s mouth while his chin miraculously disappears.
Sources cited: Love Actually, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Bridget Jones’s Baby.
Try to channel the Brit’s technique in your everyday encounters.

Now go out there and show the world what you’ve got.

Contact Hailey Johnson at [email protected].

JUNE 22, 2017