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Most useless foods

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JUNE 27, 2017

Some foods we love because they taste delicious. Some foods we tolerate because we know we have to eat them to grow big and strong. But some foods are actually useless and contribute nothing to our tummies. Let’s divulge.


Sprinkles actually taste like nothing, but they’re apparently made out of basically straight sugar and some binding ingredients. Sprinkles are unacceptable to order unless you are under the age of seven because of their absolute uselessness and frivolity. Do chocolate sprinkles even taste different than rainbow sprinkles?


Celery is great if you don’t love yourself and are looking to eat something that simultaneously tastes like nothing and tastes horrible. Celery is #fakenews because it seems like a food that’s easy to crunch on, but is actually stringy and thus hard to eat. Don’t kid yourself, celery is only good because of ranch and/or peanut butter.


Capers are gross looking and add nothing to a dish except pretentiousness. Does anyone even know what they are?

Ice cream cones

Let’s be real, ice cream cones are made purely for the aesthetic. There’s no logical reason why one would prefer a cone over a bowl. Not only is eating ice cream out of a cone difficult, but it’s also stressful. You’re forced to eagerly lick away before your ice cream melts and your fun snack becomes a ticking time bomb. Additionally, ice cream cones aren’t even that tasty and are usually stale.

Rice cakes

Rice cakes are merely a vehicle for something way more delicious on top. But plain rice cakes themselves are just sad slabs of edible cardboard. They look sad, taste sad and are sad.

Contact Olivia Lipari at [email protected].

JUNE 27, 2017