RIP summer plans

Roya Chagnon/Staff

It happens to the best of us. We set out in May with wildly grand plans for the summer months and a bucket list that would make Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson chuckle. This is the summer we’re going to get fit. We’re going to find inner peace and balance our vibes with our zen all while going completely vegan. It’ll be the summer we fall in love. This is the summer that we’ll reminisce about in the years to come. 

Fast forward three months and we’ve completely devolved into a brown-throated sloth. We sleep 18 hours a day and only wake up to eat. The plans we drew up to conquer the world have gotten lost in the sea of notes that we once spent the wee hours of the morning slaving over in the depths of Main Stacks. Just like said class notes, our bucket lists will never be touched again. 

The idea of beach days are long forgotten. We’re still trying to get over the sunburn we got from the beach from that time we went a few weeks ago. The only waves we’ve been exposed to are those from the microwave as it heats up last night’s Chipotle.

We gave up on entertaining the possibility of bronzed skin the moment we took our last final. We’re as pasty as ever and emotionally distraught after having rewatched the final season of “The Office” for the third time in a row. 

Weekend trips have become an inherent struggle, as we’re no longer able to keep track of which day is which. Without our lecture schedule to indicate which day of the week it is, there’s no way in hell we’re going to be able to tell you when Saturday will roll around. It’s virtually impossible to determine where Monday ends and where Saturday begins without using the lectures that we skip as an organizational base.

The summer body that we intended to attain is gone now thanks to our super healthy diet of popcorn and ice cream. The midnight adventures that we once dreamed of have been curbed by our tendency to fall asleep at 9 p.m. during our marathon Netflix binges. 

Hiking and day trips, beach days and midnight adventures, tan lines and margaritas: all pipe dreams of our former naive self. Truth be told, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Overachieving Haas roommate will boast about how their two internships and four research projects have left them beat at the end of the day. They’ll feign amazement at our ability to embody a lifestyle that so closely resembles that of a potato, while backhandedly reminding us that we haven’t showered since last Tuesday. 

We don’t care. We’re happy living a life that’s taken up such a pleasurable slow pace. Our summer bucket list has collected a thick layer of dust and we’re perfectly pleased, because at the very top of that list is “relax.” And we’re doing just that. We’ll get to the rest later. 

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].