Moving into a freshman dorm is big. It marks a transitions to adulthood. A transition filled with microwaved Trader Joe’s samosas, a used bed on which you can make out with people without fears of your parents walking in and three 5-lb. bags of Panda Puffs cereal for munching through — maybe the last one was just me. Your freshman dorm is also the first chance you get to make a space your own, whether that means pulling out all the knowledge you’ve gained from hours of ‘Love It or List It, Too’ or getting to live your truth as not really being a pillowcase type of guy. And whether you realize it or not, your roommate is judging you hella for how many teddy bears you brought from home. So here’s a quick guide to what your dorm décor says about you, categorized by numbers of pillows on your bed:
- How many pillows did you brings with you to college?
- Three or more
- Three or more
- If you have more than three pillows, you’re extra as hell. You probably wore heels to high school and own more than three lipsticks. You definitely brought multiple stuffed animals with you because you couldn’t bear to choose. Your mom may even send you holiday-themed care packages. You’re majoring in something you’re passionate about that is probably not very lucrative, but that’s okay because you’re gonna make it work, just like you did with that prison-like box.
- If you have two pillows, what can we say, two pillows is the perfectly normal amount. You’re prepared for college and will probably stick to the meal point schedule perfectly. You’re the kind of roommate that keeps your mess on your bed and remembers to vacuum up your Goldfish crumbs that you left all over the floor after your late-night trip to Bear Market.
- If you have one pillow, honestly, what the h*ck? Having one pillow is the fastest way to let everyone know you killed ants with a magnifying glass as a child. How do you support your neck? What happens when things get steamy at that club orientation party and you want to show your new friend the old bed that your parents can’t walk in on you while you’re making out on? Go to TargetExpress stat and invest in a second one. Please. For all of us.
- Having no pillows is maybe the biggest power move you can make as a new student. Apparently, sleeping on hard surfaces is good for your posture, so you’re counteracting all the damage you’ll be doing to your spine while hunched over in Main Stacks for hundreds of hours. You probably work out a lot and use a lot of hand sanitizer. You’re better than all of us, congratulations.
Pressly Pratt is the special issues editor.