How to reject your new library pal

Edwin Cho/File

It’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have with someone: declining their invitation to be library pals.

We all need a lot of support at UC Berkeley and, as a result, people look to studying with others as a way to get through the semester (and, most commonly, as a way to have a social life — because it’s Berkeley). Some people really enjoy studying with others, and some really don’t. Some people just like to focus on their own work and not have any distractions, but it’s hard to shake off that one person who just wants to study with you all the time. It’s not that you don’t want to be friends — you just don’t want to be library pals!

In order to prevent any library buddies attaching to you for the rest of the semester, here are 20 ~really kind~ things you can say to your wannabe library pal:

  1. I hate libraries! They’re just so loud. I can never ever focus.
  2. Ahh! My ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/long-lost twin/dog is right over there! We can’t study here. Or anywhere.
  3. I’m so sorry, but I’m really busy today! I have to study so much!
  4. Did you hear that Taylor Swift is dropping a new album? It’s just insane! I have to take a mental health day.
  5. I have a flight to Guam right now that I have to get to. That also means I won’t be able to study with you for the next month — because I’ll be in Guam.
  6. I can only study with my dog, because he motivates me. And my dog is at home. Therefore, I can only study at home — not with you.
  7. I really have to pee! (Then flee)
  8. I don’t like this library. Let’s try another one! (Then flee)
  9. I’m on house arrest. I can’t go past a 5-mile radius outside of my house. Sorry!
  10. I have a photographic memory, so I don’t need to study ever. I know, it’s OK to be jealous.
  11. I don’t think we’ve ever met before. Who are you?
  12. I don’t think you want to study with me. I talk out loud the entire time.
  13. I don’t think you want to study with me. I eat disgusting and smelly food the entire time.
  14. I enjoy failing classes, so I don’t need to study. Ever.
  15. I’m dropping out soon, so I don’t really need to study. It’s a good decision for me that I’ll never explain.
  16. I don’t believe in studying. Just because. Just accept it.
  17. I’m not a UC Berkeley student, so I don’t know why you always want to study with me.
  18. I can’t study right now with you, because I have to study with someone else who I like better.
  19. I don’t like you as a library pal.
  20. I don’t like you. As a library pal or a friend.

These work! We wish you luck in your quest in evading your wannabe library pal.

Contact Esmé Brachmann at [email protected].