Happy “Free Speech Week”! (Seriously, let’s all try to stay happy this week.) With Milo Yiannopolous making another trip back to campus, we at the Clog can’t help but be slightly nervous that protests will get a little out of hand. To refresh your memory, the last time Yiannopolous was supposed to speak at UC Berkeley, masked protesters within the group known as Antifa smashed the glass of our beloved Amazon store, leaving it boarded up and sad-looking for nearly two weeks.
While we are by no means condoning or promoting the destruction of campus property, we still have to be honest. There are some places on campus that we wouldn’t mind not having to look at everyday (ahem, Evans Hall). And, there are others — like the precious golden gem of UC Berkeley, the Amazon store — that we could never live without. So, while we at the Clog are hoping and wishing that nothing violent or destructive occurs on campus within the next few days, here is our no and go list of buildings that we wouldn’t mind seeing disappear this week.
No: The Campanile
What would we ever do without one of the only things that we can actually beat Stanford in? The Campanile is the third-tallest clock tower in the world, standing at 307 feet. It can be seen for miles, and when you see it, you know you’re at home. And, you know what time it is, because its bells ring at the top of every hour. Plus, during certain hours of the day, someone goes up there and plays fun music, including classic hits such as “Beauty and the Beast.” UC Berkeley simply could never be itself without our lovely Sather Tower.
Go: Evans Hall
This one is a given, but let’s dive a little deeper. First of all, Evans is probably one of the biggest eye sores to ever exist on planet Earth. Its exterior is the most “bleh” color imaginable, and it’s far too tall to be that ugly of a structure. Second, when you walk in, it’s even worse. Its layout makes absolutely no sense, its walls are the colors of barf and dirty sand and its spinning chairs are just a pain in the you-know-what to get in and out of. Plus, the elevators are hardly ever functioning — if and when they make an attempt to work, a noise reminiscent of a blaring fire alarm starts to screech through the building’s hallways. Sorry, not sorry, Evans. You can go first.
No: Stanley Hall
If you’ve never been inside Stanley Hall, we feel sorry for you because you’re really missing out. It has beautiful hardwood floors, incredible lighting and a warm and modern feel that many buildings on campus are lacking. There is also an ample amount of seating choices if you’re looking to get some work done in between classes, whether it be the tables on the second floor right next to the windows or inside Yali’s Cafe. Plus, Yali’s is a homey, cute spot that plays great music and makes quality coffee — perfect for studying or catching up with friends — so let’s keep it intact.
Go: Tolman Hall
Let’s be real. Tolman Hall is already a hazard simply based on its poor design. It’s basically two already-unstable buildings connected by an even more unstable-looking bridge-type structure, and if you’ve seen it in person, it definitely doesn’t look promising. We at the Clog are still confused as to how Tolman hasn’t already collapsed and crashed to the ground simply from the sheer number of psych majors.
No: Doe Library
Oh, Doe Library, how we love you so. One of the most Instagram-worthy study spots on campus, Doe Library is the shrine and temple of academia here at UC Berkeley. If it were to be destroyed, where would we ever take Snapchats to show our friends how beautiful our school can be while studying? The answer is absolutely nowhere. So please, Antifa, do it for the ‘gram and stay away.
Go: Dwinelle Hall (bathrooms)
Even if the entirety of Dwinelle were to never disappear, if there’s one thing within the “Freshman Maze” that could go, it would definitely be the bathrooms. We don’t need to be reading failed attempts at new inspirational quotes for a Hallmark card or staring at an elaborate sketch of the Illuminati while we’re doing our business. It’s simply unnecessary, and we want no part of it. We would feel nothing but a tinge of joy if Dwinelle’s perpetually trash-bag-covered toilets and unpleasantly stinky soap dispensers were to finally be out of our lives forever.
Stay safe this week, Golden Bears! May we all bask in the joyous spirit that free speech should entail.
Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].