The perfect UC Berkeley vending machine

Nikhar Arora/Staff

There are some things that we find ourselves needing ASAP and sometimes a walk down Telegraph Avenue still doesn’t get us what we desire quick enough. Because of this, we at the Clog have came up with a genius idea: installing vending machines. But not just any vending machines. In the fast paced world of UC Berkeley, this is how a vending machine should be done:

Blue books

Forgot a blue book? Don’t feel like bartering with the merciless human sitting next to you in lecture (they can smell your desperation)? No biggie. Getting your hands on a last minute blue book has never been easier. Plus, you will even be able to choose between sizes and colors!

Replacement Cal 1 Cards

Losing a Cal 1 Card, even for an hour, puts you in more than just a pinch. Losing a Cal 1 Card is basically losing your rights as a UC Berkeley student. Hungry? Out of luck. Need to study? Too bad. Locked out of your residence hall? See ya later. Face it, Cal 1 Cards are the key to your life. You’re lost without one.

Boba

Also known as: A UC Berkeley student’s daily source of glucose.

Also known as: Brain fuel.

Phone chargers

We’ve all been there. It’s been exactly two hours and 36 minutes since bae has texted you. You open your phone to reply, but then your phone dies — leaving the messages on read. You’re out of time, they’ve lost interest and the relationship is basically over. Tragic.

Caffeine pills

Price inflation and line overpopulation are real problems when it comes to the world of local Berkeley coffee shops. No one has the time (or money) to drink real coffee when you can just pop a couple pills and get on your merry way.

Bids for frat parties

If you’re planning on just sauntering into wine Wednesday this week without cost, think again. You’re basically out of luck unless you A) have a bid B) know a brother or C) are supplying some good cheap wine (and lots of it).

Now, we might run into a couple issues with this, like how much is a frat party really worth after your freshman year and is the reproduction of Cal 1 Cards considered black market material? There’s a lot to consider, but we’ll leave that up to all you Haas-holes out there to figure out.

Contact Camryn Frederickson at [email protected].